


Language

by SailorChibi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Coulson Lives, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FIx It, First Kiss, Fluff, Jarvis lives, Life Model Decoys, M/M, Nick Fury Knows All, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Protective Natasha Romanov, Second Chances, Steve and Tony are idiots, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has Issues, coming together, second chances are harder to handle than you think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-26 18:12:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 30,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3859699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorChibi/pseuds/SailorChibi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is how Tony fixed the team and the damage he’d done, and in the process learned how to start fixing himself. Well, maybe the latter might take a little help from Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I saw Age of Ultron today, and while there were some parts I liked, there were some parts I didn't. I basically walked out thinking about how I could change the parts I didn't like, which is where this fic comes in. Consider it a direct sequel that ends in a happy team family, stony and more than likely at least a mention of clint/coulson.

_"Maybe I should take a page out of Barton's book. Build Pepper a farm. Hope nobody blows it up."_

The words lingered in the back of Tony's head the whole back to New York. Even later, when he was holed up in his workshop and carefully putting JARVIS back together, it was impossible to lose himself entirely in the process the way he really wanted to. Just a couple of throw away, innocent sentences, but of course Steve hadn't noticed anything weird about them. 

Why would he? It sounded like a reasonable enough dream, all things considered. A wife, couple kids, white picket fence... it was the kind of dream that superheroes all around the world worked towards. Except Tony didn't have a house. Or kids. Or a wife. Or even a girlfriend, for that matter, and the fact that Steve had just smiled, hadn't even realized what a weird thing that was for him to say, spoke volumes about how much of a team they really weren't. 

Tony leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk, and ran his hands through his greasy hair. The code was only halfway finished. It was deliberately convoluted, and this time it had to be built from the ground up. It was only the fact that he knew JARVIS' code better than he knew himself that made it a possibility in the first place, and then only if he truly focused. With effort, he shoved the events of the past week out of his head and concentrated.

It still took him the better part of the next three days, but it was all worth it. The relief that shot through him when the code came together and the lights overhead flickered as JARVIS took control again couldn't have been put into words. Piloting the suit without the voice of JARVIS in his ear had left him feeling wrong-footed, uncertain and second guessing his every move. He looked up at the ceiling, waiting a beat to make sure that JARVIS had had the chance to recalibrate, and then offered a cautious, "Hey buddy."

"Hello, sir."

Thank fuck. Tony wasn't crying, but there might have been a few spots of wet on his face. "Good to hear your voice again, J. I almost got slack. There's been no one to tell Pepper I'm busy."

"I take that to mean you haven't bothered answering your phone calls at all," JARVIS said, and then, "The last message Miss Potts left you indicates that it will take more than a pair of shoes to earn back her good will this time."

Tony laughed a little, punch drunk with relief and giddiness. "That's fine. Pep didn't really want anything. Just... company stuff." That's all it ever was, ever since she'd found him in the workshop building another suit. The fight was brief but explosive. She couldn't deal with him being Iron Man, and he'd made a promise that he couldn't keep. No matter how many times he walked away, the suit was like a siren. 

Well, that and something else. Or, actually, someone else, not that it mattered because the end result was the same: a very amicable break up that felt so much worse than it would have if she'd screamed and thrown things and not spoken to him for months. 

It had been nearly three months and he still hadn't said a word to anyone yet. The explanations he doled out like candy - she's got a thing to attend for the company, she's busy, being a CEO takes a lot of work, you know - were never questioned, because why would they be? Surely if Tony Stark had a break up, it would be splashed across the news for everyone to see. And when it came right down to it, he wasn't sure who to tell. He wasn't sure anyone cared enough to listen.

"Actually, sir, the messages indicate that Miss Potts wishes to talk to you about the Maria Stark Foundation."

Oh, right. Tony winced at the memory of all the damage he and Hulk had done. "Order Pepper two new pairs of shoes and a bouquet of flowers, please," he muttered, pushing himself to his feet. The room swam and he staggered, nearly falling over as the effects of several days without sleep or food caught up with him all at once. Dummy whirred anxiously, pinching his jeans to help keep him upright. He caught his balance against the wall and reached down to stroke Dummy's arm in thanks.

"Are you alright? Shall I call -"

"No, God no, don't call anyone," Tony said. There was no one to call. Rhodey was gone, at work with Steve and the others, and Pepper was more likely to yell at him than help. "Actually, J... start a search for the Hulk, would you? I want to find Bruce and make sure that he's okay."

"Yes sir."

"Good man," Tony muttered, stumbling across the room to the old couch. It wasn't nearly as comfortable as his bed, but it was a hell of a lot closer. He collapsed onto it face first and passed out.

He slept like the dead for about six hours, until a nightmare of Steve's dead face jerked him awake. JARVIS spoke to him soothingly until his breathing slowed and his heart stopped feeling like it was going to pound right out of his chest. Tony sat up slowly, rubbing his forehead. He had a headache and his stomach was so empty that it actually hurt. When it started to growl, Dummy chirped at him anxiously and prodded his hand with a granola bar. Reluctantly, Tony took it and bit into it. It was dry and tasteless, but filling and would do the job.

"That's what you're eating. A granola bar. Quite the celebration."

He spit out the bite of granola bar, garbling, "Son of a fucking - "

"Language, as your Captain would say."

"I get to say whatever the fuck I want, this is my house, how did you get in here? Jarvis, what the hell?" Tony spit out, one hand clasped to his chest. 

"Director Fury had override protocols, sir."

Fury smirked at Tony, though he spoke to JARVIS. "Technically, I'm not a director anymore."

"My apologies, Director Fury, but 'Mr. Fury' just doesn't sound correct."

"I like your A.I. He has better taste than you do," Fury said.

Tony scowled. "Everyone likes JARVIS better than me. I repeat, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"That's actually what I wanted to ask you." Fury walked casually across the room, like he had every right to be there, and peered up at the scans that JARVIS was running. "Why did you leave? Why did you let your team leave?"

"Uh, I believe we've been over this, I'm not the boss. I know Maria reported that conversation to you word for word."

Fury shot him a look.

"It wasn't my decision. Bruce went AWOL. Thor left for Asgard," Tony said, crossing his arms defensively. "Clint went home. But Steve and Natasha are still playing nice. You know what, I bet they'd love to see you. Go bother them."

"That why you left? You didn't think they wanted to see you?"

It took a lot of effort to keep from wincing. "Maybe _I_ don't want to see _them_."

"Right, that's why JARVIS is running a trace on all five of them. Because you don't want to see them."

"What?" Tony threw the rest of the granola bar aside, ignoring Dummy's distressed chirp, and went to look at the screen himself. He had no memory of asking for JARVIS to run traces on the rest of the team. But he vividly remembered the nightmares he'd been having recently, all based around the Avengers dying. He must have called out their names in his sleep, and JARVIS had responded accordingly. Awkward. 

"Look, Stark -"

"So we're back to that?"

Fury sighed and rolled his eye in an incredibly patronizing way. "Tony," he said with exaggerated, forced patience. "I didn't spend thousands of dollars and stake my reputation on the Avengers Initiative just so that I could watch a bunch of motherfucking children play the world's longest game of hide and seek. Go collect your team. Take them home. And stay there."

"I retired," Tony pointed out. "Just in case you didn't notice. So did Barton."

"You should know better than to take things at face value," said Fury. "Besides, how long did you really think it would be before you hack the new facility?" He raised an eyebrow. "One week? Two? I wonder if JARVIS would tell me if he's already started the process -"

"You're not the director of me," Tony said quickly, because that was a question he did not wanting his traitor of an A.I. answering. But that hadn't worked the first time and he doubted it would work this time, and when Fury snorted his point was proven.

"So you think. And while you're at it, stop dancing around Rogers and just fuck him already."

Tony actually sputtered, his face burning hot.

Fury just laughed at him. "Locking yourself up in this tower won't do anyone any good, and if I have to listen to Natasha complain about you and Rogers staring longingly into each other's eyes for another minute, I'll lock you in a closet myself."

"That's - we're not - I - you - she's -"

"I'll leave you Barton's location, and, if SHIELD finds Banner before you do, I'll let you know," Fury said, mercifully cutting him off before Tony could embarrass himself further. "Go _home_ , Tony."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to write this twice because I lost the first version, damnit. It's a good thing Clint and Tony being bros is fun to write. I decided to take the whole Clint having a family thing in a different direction.

The farmhouse looked just as quaint and picturesque as Tony remembered. It made his skin crawl, just a little. There was no way that he and Pepper would have been able to live in a place like this even if they hadn't broken up. He didn't know how anyone could stand to live way out in the middle of nowhere, when the closest thing to technology was a tractor that had seen far better days.

He crossed his arms as JARVIS landed the jet, wondering if maybe it would better if he turned and left before anyone realized he was here. Granted, he didn't know Clint very well, but the brief time they had spent at the farmhouse was the happiest Tony had ever seen him. There was nothing about this that felt; it was just a waste of time. What man in his right mind would want to give up a family for a shitty room with the Avengers?

In the end, it was the silence that drove Tony to leave the plane. If there was one thing that Clint's kids weren't, it was quiet. He took the suitcase armor with him just in case there actually was trouble, and made it all the way to the front steps before it occurred to him that maybe the family had taken off into town for the day. Tony froze, one foot on the bottom step, and briefly considered running back to the plane before they drove up to see him loitering like a creeper.

The arrow whizzing past his left ear made the decision for him. Tony jumped, cursing. "What the fuck, Barton!"

"You gonna come in or not?" Clint asked lazily, lounging against the front window. 

Muttering under his breath, Tony stormed up the steps and into the house. He stopped short when he saw the bodies on the couch. Silver, formless figures that were instantly recognizeable, the faceless Life Model Decoys were posed as nicely as any human family - it would have been cheerful, if not for how weird it looked. What he couldn't figure out was why there were three of them sitting in Clint's living room. 

"Do you always shoot arrows at your guests?" he asked.

"Not the question I thought you'd ask," Clint said, looking amused. "Then again, I wasn't sure you'd be the one to show up. I thought it might be Nat, or maybe even Fury himself. They already know most of the story."

"I'd like to know the story too," Tony said, unable to resist glancing back at the LMDs. "So feel free to share."

"Would you like me to get out the nail polish and braid your hair while we're at it?" Clint asked, batting his eyes. Tony shot him a look and Clint shrugged, expression flattening into something serious. "I wasn't lying when I said that Fury helped me set this up when I came to SHIELD. I was fucked up. Couldn't get my head on straight. They needed me, so..." He gestured to the room.

"So..." Tony echoed, hoping for more information, because he was still lost.

"Before I came to SHIELD, I was an independent contractor. It was all I knew," Clint said bluntly. "It's what the circus taught me. But it was a stupid job to have when you've got a family. I accepted the wrong mission and pissed off the wrong people. They killed Laura."

He managed to say it straight, without an ounce of pain in his voice, but Tony still winced. "I'm sorry."

"It was years ago, Stark. Like I said, I was messed up. SHIELD ended up helping me track down the people that did it, and Coulson and Fury came up with the idea of using the LMDs to help me cope. It worked. I got it together. Started working for SHIELD. Everyone was happy."

"Your kids...?"

"With Coulson's sister. I couldn't -" Clint paused, swallowed hard, his throat bobbing. "I couldn't be what they needed, and she treats them well. She's the best mom. I see them every once in a while. They're... they're really happy."

Tony just nodded. It made sense, in a weird way, things he hadn't really grasped before now clicking together in retrospect. Like why it hadn't mattered that he'd never fixed the tractor, or why there was so much dust on the tools in the barn. Or why Natasha hadn't moved to greet the family, but had hung back until her presence was demanded. Or why Clint had decided to bring the team there in the first place, even though it meant putting his family in danger - because Ultron wouldn't have hesitated to kill anyone who stood in his way, innocent or not.

"You seemed happy here," he ventured.

"I was. It's a fantasy of what I had with Laura. This was my family, what I always wanted. I'd go out on missions, secure in the knowledge that I knew exactly what would be waiting for me when I came back home." Clint looked at the LMDs, specifically the adult sized one that would have been Laura. It didn't look pregnant anymore. "For a while, it was good."

"What changed?" Tony asked, unable to keep the question in, and amazingly Clint answered.

"It never felt right after Loki. After... Coulson." The pause was almost imperceptible. "I still came back, but it was hard enough knowing what was real without... all this. I can't keep living in the past. Laura's dead. My kids are growing up." Clint didn't say anything else, but Tony was good at reading in between the lines.

"You know, Pepper and I broke up," he said conversationally, noting how Clint started in surprise. "Congrats, you're the first to know. You should feel special. Officially it's because she couldn't handle me being Iron Man anymore. She threw a fit when she found out I'd built another suit after I promised her that I wouldn't. Unofficially -"

"It's because she caught you writing Tony Rogers in your notebook?"

"Fuck off, Barton," Tony muttered, hating the fact that his face felt hot. Again. That had only happened _one time_ and JARVIS was sworn to secrecy on pain of being sold to MIT. "The point is, even though we were dating, we'd both started to move on. Sort of. It just happened. I've been told numerous times it's natural. Not sure I believe it, but..." He trailed off and shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Yeah," Clint said. He went quiet, his hands flexing restlessly. He seemed okay on the outside, surprisingly, considering their topic of conversation. Certainly no worse off than Tony was. He wasn't crying, or angry, or as fucked up as he claimed to have been. He just looked very tired and very, very alone. 

"I'm going to find Bruce," Tony offered at last. It was the only thing he had. "And then we're going back to the new facility. I heard that Steve is training the new team all wrong."

Clint finally smiled, just a bit. "I'm sure that's why you're going back. It's not at all because Steve said he'd miss you."

"You know what, I was going to let you pilot the Starkjet, but you can just walk. I hate super spies. You're all just a bunch of gossips."

"I'll be good, I swear."

"I've heard that before," Tony said with a mock glare. At least now he knew why Fury had pressed him to come here. He couldn't blame Clint for wanting to live in the past, but this... 

"You have to let me come. I'm all packed." Clint nodded towards the door, and Tony followed his gaze. Sure enough, there were several bags stacked up next to the door - including at least four which looked like they held arrows and other weaponry.

"Fury told you I was coming, didn't he?"

"It might have been in the first message he left me tell me to get my shit together. Or the second. Or maybe the twelfth. After a bit, they all start to blur together."

"You're lucky. You just had to listen to his messages. I got the personal visit."

"Do you listen to the messages he leaves you?" Clint asked, raising an eyebrow.

"If you knew how many messages I get in a day, you wouldn't listen, either," Tony replied, folding his arms. That explained why Clint seemed okay. He'd had some warning. Maybe this was the calm after the storm. He felt a sudden rush of - not pity, per se, but compassion. Sympathy. He'd done the alone thing after the break up with Pepper. It sucked. Doing it after your wife's death and losing your kids, not to mention the whole Coulson and Loki thing, had to be so much worse.

"Right, 'cause your time is much better spent creating dangerous robots." Clint snorted as he walked over to his bags. 

"You know," Tony said slowly. "I don't know exactly where Bruce is. It might take a little while to find him. We have time for a stop. Like in Vermont."

Clint bent down to pick up a couple of his bags. He was trying hard not to smile. "Should I be pretending it's not creepy that you know where Coulson's sister lives?"

"It's not my fault that information was left out where any innocent A.I. could find it."

"Considering that they lived in Albany when SHIELD fell and relocated after the fact for safety reasons, I'm not sure I believe you." Clint straightened up. His mouth was twitching, quirking up at the corner in spite of his best efforts.

Tony just shrugged. "What can I say, SHIELD's security measures suck."

"Yeah, right." Clint glanced over his shoulder. "Thanks, Tony."

"Don't mention it," Tony said uncomfortably, not wanting Clint's gratitude. He wasn't really doing anything. 

Clint looked at him for a moment longer without saying anything, then turned away. "Show to me this Starkjet of yours."


	3. Chapter 3

"Aren't you coming?"

Tony blinked and looked up from his tablet. He'd been vaguely aware of Clint landing the plane, but to be honest he was more invested in the search that JARVIS was still running for Bruce. He glanced out the window, realizing that the plane was parked a couple hundred feet away from another farmhouse, and sighed loudly. "What is it with you people and living out in the middle of nowhere?"

Clint looked deeply amused. "The town is only ten minutes away, Stark. It's hardly the middle of nowhere. Besides, it's a lot harder to set up safety protocols when someone lives in the city than in the country. It was safer this way."

"Ten minutes away from civilization," Tony muttered to himself, but he set the tablet aside and got up to follow Clint outside. There wasn't much he could do right now, really, except stare at the screen and will the search to be successful. And genius though he might be, that wasn't showing any signs of working. 

Unlike Clint's quieter farm, this one appeared to be a hive of activity. There were quite a few people milling around the barn. Some of them were watching Clint and Tony approach, hands resting on waists or jackets in a way that was very familiar - even if they weren't SHIELD agents, they were definitely armed with weapons that they knew how to use. Tony ignored them, counting at least two barbeques and three different picnic tables, all groaning under the amount of food that was splayed out, not to mention the balloons and streamers that strongly suggested they were crashing a party. He trailed behind as Clint strode across the grass, and when they were about fifty feet away a couple of teenagers broke away from the crowd and went streaking towards Clint.

"Daddy!" The girl - Lila Barton? - screamed, throwing herself into Clint's arms. Clint laughed and spun her around, though it looked a little more difficult now that she was considerably taller than she'd been the last time Tony had seen her. Or the LMD acting like her. Whatever. She was probably around twelve or thirteen. 

"Hey sweetpea, how's my girl?" Clint said, setting her back down and kissing the top of her head. He reached out an arm for the boy, presumably Cooper Barton, who looked to be about sixteen. "Hey Coop."

"Hi Dad. We saw you on the news," Cooper said, allowing himself to be hugged.

"Yeah. Messy business, that."

"How come you didn't come see us before?" Lila asked, pouting a little. "We could've helped."

"You're here so you can be safe, kiddo."

"I'm not a kid anymore, Dad, geez! I'm thirteen!"

"My mistake," Clint said wryly, though Tony caught the momentary flash of discomfort that crossed his face.

Maybe he wasn't the only one, because the woman that had followed the two teenagers over clapped her hands. "Okay you guys, leave your dad alone. Dinner's ready," she said, shooing Lila and Cooper back towards the party. Lila went reluctantly, glancing back at her dad the whole time. The woman just smiled and, as she turned to follow them, said, "Clint, are you and your friend staying?"

"Just for a minute. Anita, this is Tony Stark. Stark, Coulson's sister, Anita Martel."

Tony examined her subtly as he shook her hand. There was definitely some family resemblance. She had the same build and facial structure as Coulson, the same dark eyes and assessing stare. It stung, but he refused to show it. "Hi."

"Good to meet you, Mr. Stark. Please, help yourself," Anita said, waving a hand to indicate the food. Then she hooked her arm through Clint's and towed him over to a group of people.

Feeling awkward, Tony hung back. This was definitely not the kind of party that he was used to. There was plenty of booze, but it was just beer, and the people drinking it seemed to be enjoying it rather than consuming it out of desperation. Also, the laughter and conversation seemed to be genuine, not forced and polite. He didn't see a single finger sandwich anywhere, either. It was all hot dogs, hamburgers, veggie burgers, every imaginable kind of salad, chicken breasts, ribs, three different types of coleslaw, buns, corn bread, condiments, nachos... the list went on and on. He was getting dizzy just smelling it all. This was food that was meant to be eaten, not just designed to look pretty.

"I'm pretty sure I don't belong here," he said under his breath, finding a safe place to sit on the grass that was mostly out of the way. He took out his phone, because he could monitor the search just as well on that as he could his tablet. He worked for a little while, narrowing the parameters, and then switched over to answering a few of the angrier emails that Pepper had sent him when she found out about his abrupt departure.

"Mr. Stark?"

Very slowly, Tony lifted his head. Lila was standing right in front of him with a piece of cake in her hands. Tony stared at the cake, then at her. "Uh. Yes?"

"Do you want some cake?"

"Um." He looked around for Clint, but - for a man that was wearing a purple shirt - Clint blended in surprisingly well. "Okay?"

Lila smiled and dumped the plate in his lap, narrowly avoiding smearing icing on his phone. Then, apparently, taking that for permission, she plunked herself down beside him. "You work with my daddy, don't you?"

"Sometimes."

"Is he okay?"

Wow, that was a loaded question. Between the LMDs, Coulson, Loki and Pietro, Tony wasn't even sure how to answer honestly. So he went for a lie. "Sure he is. Your dad's a pretty awesome man."

"But he doesn't come see us very often."

And, okay, Tony was so not qualified to be having this conversation. "He's... busy?"

"Busy doing what?" Lila pressed. "Avengers stuff? 'Cause you guys haven't been in the news very much since SHIELD fell apart, and the news _always_ talks about Avengers stuff." Her shoulders slumped. "I just thought that SHIELD going away meant he'd get to spend more time with us, not less."

A number of curse words ran through Tony's head, but he managed to bite most of them back through sheer force of will. "SHIELD is still out there," he said very, very carefully, because oh shit she looked like she was going to cry and he was not equipped for this. Where was Pepper when he needed her? "Your dad is a really important part of that. I'm positive that he wants to spend more time with you. But -"

"He has to save the world, I know," Lila said. "Do you have kids, Mr. Stark?"

"God no." Tony didn't mean to sound quite so horrified, but at least it made Lila smile a little.

"You'll take care of my dad, won't you?" she asked suddenly.

"Yeah," Tony said. "Yeah, of course."

Lila nodded, apparently satisfied. "Thank you. Do you like your cake?"

"It's great."

"You haven't tried it yet."

"Oh. Right." Tony obediently tasted the cake. It was carrot cake, which he didn't like, and very sweet. But he forced a smile. "Delicious."

"I helped to make it," said Lila.

"Lila!" Anita walked over to them, hands on her hips. Clint was right behind her, trying not to smirk too widely. "You're not bothering Mr. Stark, are you?"

"It's fine," Tony said.

Anita had the exact same "I'm not convinced by what you're saying" look that Lila did. "I'm glad we found you, actually. Clint, the kids got you a gift. It's in the barn. You'll probably need Mr. Stark's help to get it on the plane."

"I don't allow live animals on my plane," Tony said immediately. Clint elbowed him.

"Thanks Anita. Come on, Stark."

"Thank you for the cake," Tony said to Lila, carefully handing the plate back. 

"You'll remember your promise, right?" Lila asked.

"Of course," Tony replied, and her brilliant smile more than made up for the awkwardness.

"What did you promise?" Clint demanded the second they were out of earshot.

"None of your business, Barton," Tony said. "Just make sure you don't do anything to get yourself killed over the next few months, okay?"

Clint narrowed his eyes, but Tony reached out and pulled the door of the barn open before he was asked any more questions. It was really dark inside, and it took his eyes a moment to adjust. There wasn't really much there. A brand new lawn tractor, a couple of horses and the equipment needed to take care of them, but nothing that Tony could see which would qualify as a gift. Because he was completely serious about the whole not allowing live animals on the plane, so if Clint was planning to take a horse with them than he had another thought coming.

"There's nothing here," he pointed out. 

"I disagree with that, Mr. Stark. I like to think I'm worth more than nothing."

The sound that Clint made at that moment sounded exactly like a wounded animal. Tony wanted to comfort him, but he'd sort of lost the ability to move or breathe, much less form words. Phil Coulson straightened up from where he was kneeling behind the tractor and looked back and forth between the two of them.

"Agent?" Tony said, and then his mind immediately leapt to the LMDs they'd just left behind at Clint's house and it felt like he was shriveling up inside, but Coulson was already shaking his head.

"I'm real. 100% human," Coulson said, reaching up to tug at the hem of his shirt. Clint whimpered when they saw the livid scar on his chest. "And a little disappointed about how slow you are. If I'd been a Hydra agent, you'd be dead."

Tony snorted, refusing to let on how shocked he was, and muttered, "If you were a Hydra agent, you'd have a better taste in entrances than copying Nick Fury."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead. I just got a really, seriously bad cold and started a new (temporary) job, both of which killed my will to write. Going forward, updates should (hopefully) be more frequent.

In a move that would have made Pepper and Steve proud, Tony turned his back on the reunion between Clint and Coulson and spent the next five minutes pretending that the trace required all of his attention. That was as long as he lasted, though, before he pointedly cleared his throat. "I'm turning around in the next thirty seconds, and if there is any clothing missing I'm taking pictures and sending them out to the rest of the team."

"Classy as ever," Coulson said, although for once he sounded more fond than annoyed. It was creepy. Tony risked a glance over his shoulder and saw that the two of them were both fully clothed. Clint was wiping at his suspiciously red eyes with one hand, while the other was firmly holding Coulson's hand. 

"I make it a point to never change, Agent," Tony said, forcing a crooked smile and pretending that it didn't ache a little to see them together. How had he missed this? Did the others know? Natasha must have, at least. "I'd hate to disappoint you."

Clint let out a watery laugh. "Ignore him, Phil. He's just jealous because Steve isn't here."

Tony narrowed his eyes. "Annnnnd you're back to walking."

"At least we'll be walking in the right direction," Coulson pointed out.

"You know where Bruce is? Wait, what am I saying. Of course you know where Bruce is. Fury you lying liar," Tony muttered, scowling. Fury had played him perfectly by nudging him in Clint's direction first, because otherwise Tony would've tried to find Bruce and then backtracked to retrieve Clint. Now they had Coulson with them, which meant that a member of SHIELD would be there when they went to go get Bruce. He eyed Coulson with deep suspicion.

Coulson lifted his free hand. "I'm not here to take Bruce in, Tony."

"Then why are you here? Why now?"

"After the Battle of New York, and you all went your separate ways instead of staying together, you didn't need a handler. I was assigned a new team and that's where I've been, trying to reform Shield. Things were going fine for a little while, but..." He shook his head, pursing his lips into a thin line. "It all started going downhill about six months ago. There's been a lot of tension when it comes to trying to get SHIELD back up and operating, and Fury decided that it was best if I was temporarily removed from the situation." Coulson didn't look or sound too happy about that. 

"So now you're back playing with the big boys," Tony said.

"I've been _temporarily_ assigned as the handler of the Avengers," Coulson replied mildly. "Whether or not I'll be reassigned depends on whether there's a need for me."

That was a low blow. Tony scowled. "There is still a team, you know. Steve and Natasha are training them right now."

"Yes, but a team comprised of Captain America, Black Widow, War Machine, Falcon, the Vision and Scarlet Witch just doesn't have the same capacity for destruction as the original."

"He has a point," Clint said. "Except for Nat, they're all going to be disgustingly law abiding. Fury must be pleased."

"Not as pleased as you would think. Clint, there was a _reason_ that the six of you were initially chosen for the Avengers Initiative."

"Uh, hello," Tony said, waving a hand. "Iron Man yes, Tony Stark not recommended. Ring a bell for anyone? I'm just a consultant."

"You are _not_ a consultant," Coulson said with surprising vehemence. "You're an Avenger, and neither one of you is retired. But you are missing out on valuable training time with the members of your team. So come on, let's go. The longer that Bruce is alone, the more difficulty you're going to have convincing him to come back."

Part of Tony felt like crossing his arms and refusing to move, no matter how childish a reaction that was. He didn't like the thought of people working behind the scenes and orchestrating events to make him respond in a certain way. But at the same time, the idea of going back to New York alone was just as unappealing now as it had been before Fury appeared in his workshop. Plus it was gratifying to hear someone finally acknowledge that he was officially an Avenger. Too bad it had come too late, after he'd almost destroyed the world and his team along with it. The momentary delusion he'd had at the factory had definitely turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

If he'd been a less selfish man, Tony would've given up right then and there and gone back to New York by himself. He didn't even know if Steve or any of the others would want to see him after the mayhem and destruction he'd caused. But no one had ever accused Tony Stark of being a selfless man. He gave Coulson a tight nod and let Clint lead the the way out of the back of the barn. They ended up having to circle around the farm, walking through the woods, so that no one would see Coulson, and it took a little longer to get back to the jet. It didn't escape Tony's notice that Clint and Coulson held hands the whole way back. 

"Welcome back, sir," JARVIS said as Tony walked in. "Agent Barton. Agent Coulson."

"JARVIS?" Clint said, surprised, glancing at Tony. "I thought - " He shut himself up fast, which was wise. Tony wasn't sure what the expression on his face looked like right then, but it probably wasn't pleasant.

"You thought what," Tony bit out, and Clint shook his head quickly.

"Nothing, man. Forget I said anything."

Tony glared at him for a moment longer before he stalked into the back. There was no alcohol on board the Starkjet, which was regrettable, because right then he really could have used a glass of whiskey. "J, Coulson has new info for you."

Coulson rattled off a series of numbers that turned out to be coordinates. Clint slid back into the pilot's seat. Tony preoccupied himself with his tablet as the jet lifted off. It turned out that Bruce was hiding somewhere in Europe, specifically a small town just outside of France. Eventually, given time, he probably would've found his way to either Africa or Asia: somewhere that he could really lose himself, where not even SHIELD would be able to keep tabs on him.

So it was that about five hours later, a flight that was spent entirely in silence except for the occasional, inaudible murmur of words between the two lovebirds up front, they were landing. This close, JARVIS was easily able to get a lock on Bruce's location: the town's only tavern. It was a pretty rundown little place that was in desperate need of some renovations, but given the time of night it was packed. Despite that, Tony spotted Bruce instantly.

Clint and Coulson had been making sounds about some kind of a plan, but Bruce had always appreciated the direct approach. Tony threw himself down into the seat across from Bruce and snagged the drink that Bruce was nursing. It was a cocktail of some kind, though it was likely non-alcoholic. Had it been anywhere else, Tony might've tossed it back anyway. But while Bruce never got sick, Tony wasn't so lucky, and the glass looked like it hadn't been given a proper wash since the tavern first opened. He ended up just sort of nudging it aside.

"I paid for that, you know," said Bruce, though he didn't try to take the cocktail back.

"Then you got ripped off. I could make you a much better version of whatever that is supposed to be, free of charge."

"I'm not coming back with you, Tony."

"Why not?" 

"You know why not."

"No, actually, I really don't."

"I'm too dangerous," Bruce snapped. "You saw what the Other Guy did."

"Yeah, I did. And did you happen to see anything else?" Tony asked, trying to inject some levity into his voice. It wasn't working. "Whatever that witch showed you, Bruce, it freaked you out. You lost control, and it scared a lot of people, and it was horrible for everyone but especially you. I get it. But at least you didn't go on to create something that nearly destroyed the fucking planet."

"Tony -"

"Don't. I know what you're gonna say. Ultron wasn't on you. He's on me. Everything he did, the people he killed, the destruction he caused, all of that is _my fault_. I was trying to do something good and I fucked up big time. And then I went back to New York, Bruce. I retired from the Avengers because I thought, what's the goddamn point? Even when I try to do something good, I end up making it all so much worse, so why bother?"

Tony leaned forward, hiding his shaking hands under the table. "Everyone can see the monster in you, Bruce. That's not a bad thing. They know what to be afraid of, and the team accepted you anyway. None of us are scared of you. Honestly, between you and me, I'm the worst one here. Because despite how much bad I've done in the past, no one saw Ultron coming until it was too late. And if that's the case, you should go back and I'm the one who should stay away from the team."


	5. Chapter 5

Bruce didn't say a word after Tony's little speech. He just sat there and stared at Tony in unnerving silence for a good five minutes, until Tony was honest to god squirming in his seat. Every word of what he'd said was true, but he regretted blurting it out like that. It was a conversation best left for somewhere private, particularly since the Avengers weren't exactly number one in the news right now.

He was pretty sure that the key to getting Bruce to go back with them wasn't in starting a bar brawl.

It was tempting to just get up and leave, but he wasn't going without Bruce. And since Bruce was strong enough that there was no way Tony would be able to _make_ him leave, Tony settled for crossing his arms and trying to meet Bruce's stare. It was hard. He wasn't used to that kind of prolonged eye contact. Put him in a room with a thousand people and he could schmooze with the best of them, but staring one person in the eyes for over ten minutes? Awkward.

Finally, when Tony absolutely couldn't take it anymore, he looked away. "You know it's the truth, Bruce," he said quietly. Which was good, because he didn't sound nearly as convincing this time. His voice just came out sounding a lot more sad and resigned than he'd wanted it to. Suddenly he was really glad that Clint and Coulson were too far away to hear their conversation.

"Is the jet parked outside the town?"

That was the absolute last thing Tony had been expecting to hear. He turned back to Bruce, stunned, just in time to see Bruce getting up. "What?"

"Your jet. Since that's Clint standing over there swindling some idiot out of his money, I'm guessing you didn't get here using the armor," said Bruce, nodding his head. Tony turned to look. Sure enough, Clint was cheerfully - and quickly - tossing darts at a dartboard while a couple of guys looked on with open mouths as every dart hit impossibly close to the center, until the cluster looked like one big dart when Clint was done.

"Um, yeah," Tony said faintly. "Fury told me to get Clint first, and then Coulson showed up. That's how we found you."

"Figures," Bruce said, sighing, but he didn't seem terribly upset about it. He put some money on the table and looked expectantly at Tony. "Aren't you coming?"

"I - wait - what? You're actually coming back?"

"I'm not interested in getting anywhere _near_ a fight," Bruce replied, just stern enough that Tony knew he really meant it. "And frankly neither me or the big guy wants to see Natasha right now. But I also know you're stubborn enough to camp outside my door until I give in, and you need Steve more than I need to be away from everything right now."

"Why the hell is everyone suddenly so fixated on me and Steve?" Tony demanded.

"Because he's the only one who has a chance of cutting through your bullshit and actually making you listen," Bruce said evenly. "Now come on before I change my mind."

"It's not bullshit. Bruce!" Tony pouted when he was ignored and stood up, sulkily trailing after Bruce. Bruce might not have been a genius billionaire, but he knew how to make his way through a crowd. In a matter of seconds he was standing right beside Clint, who was just collecting his winnings.

"Technically that's illegal," Bruce said to him.

Clint just smirked. "This isn't even a blip on my radar," he said, folding the bills and putting them into his pocket. "Ready? I have to admit, I thought it would take him longer to talk you into it."

"He didn't talk me into anything, actually."

" _He_ is standing right here," Tony put in, folding his arms, more than a little annoyed at how easily he was being ignored.

"So this is what, delivery?" Clint asked, barely sparing Tony a glance.

Bruce shrugged, non-committal but firm. "Maybe. I haven't decided yet. Guess we'll see when we get there."

"Good enough for me. We should probably go now, though, before those guys come back with reinforcement."

"Oh my god," Tony said under his breath. A bar brawl was looking more likely by the moment. He grabbed Clint's arm and hustled him and Bruce out of the tavern, wondering why the hell Coulson had let Clint wander off on his own. 

"Mission success, sir," Clint said as soon as they got outside.

Like the creepy government agent that he was, Coulson stepped out of the shadows. Again. He smiled at Bruce. "Hello, Doctor Banner."

"Agent Coulson," Bruce said with a short nod, neither warm nor cold. "I hope I won't have any problems with SHIELD. I'm not interested in being an Avenger anymore. The only reason I'm making this trip is because of Tony."

"Whoa, hey, there's nothing wrong with me," Tony protested, folding his arms. "I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for Fury, okay? This was not my idea. I was perfectly content to go home to the tower in the New York."

"Alone?"

"No."

"JARVIS doesn't count Tony," Bruce said, rolling his eyes, and then when Tony started to open his mouth, added, "And I know Pepper's back in Malibu. She and I actually talk on the phone sometimes, weird as that might sound." He paused briefly. "Well, up until a week ago, the talks were mostly comprised of me telling her that you were still alive and hadn't died in your workshop yet and her complaining about you. But it still happened."

"You talked to Pepper behind my back?" Tony squeaked. "Brucey, how could you?"

"Wait, you and Pepper broke up?" Coulson said at the same time, having the grace to look slightly surprised by the news, though Tony wasn't sure why. It wasn't like anyone should be shocked that Pepper had finally seen the light. 

Tony hunched his shoulders a little. "We broke up a few months ago," he mumbled to the ground, feeling the weight of too many eyes on his head. "It's not a big deal. She's still CEO of the company and everything."

"It's a huge deal. I can't believe you were going to - _ow_ , Phil!" Clint pouted, clutching his arm - more specifically, the spot where he'd just been jabbed.

Coulson gave him a hard look, having regained his composure. "We have a long trip ahead of us back to New York. If we went to get there before tomorrow, we should go."

"You didn't have to poke me," Clint grumbled, dramatically rubbing his arm.

"I'll poke a lot more if you don't get a move on."

It was amazing how quickly Clint could go from feigning injury to attempting sexiness via wiggled eyebrows and a leer. "Promise?"

"Oh my god," Tony said for a second time, because this was _so much worse_ than being questioned about Pepper. "Please don't ever do that in front of me again."

Clint smirked again and started walking back towards the jet, deliberately shaking his ass a little. Tony groaned and shielded his eyes, pretending that he didn't notice the way Coulson was definitely staring. That was way more information than he ever wanted to know. He was definitely going to have to keep an eye on them on the way back. If they 'mysteriously' disappeared during the flight, he wasn't above taking a page out of Dummy's book and going after them with the fire extinguisher.

He ended up sitting across from Bruce in the back of the plane, while Clint and Coulson stayed up front. Bruce was sitting back, eyes shut, looking like he had a headache. Tony watched him until they took off, then got up. He swayed a little when he stood and ended up having to grip the back of his seat for balance. The couple hours of sleep he had grabbed after reassembling JARVIS was starting to wear off, apparently. And, as though on cue, his stomach growled.

Bruce opened an eye and looked at him. Tony frowned back and, very carefully, shuffled to the back of the plane and the fully stocked mini-kitchen. He wasn't really hungry despite his traitorous stomach, but Bruce looked like he could do with more than a few good meals. He poked around until he found a bag of chips and some granola bars, along with two boxes of orange juice. It wasn't the most gourmet meal, but it would do.

He dropped the chips and a box of orange juice on Bruce's need and sat down, tearing the wrapper off a granola bar. "I thought it would be much harder to get you to come back," he said, attempting to be casual about it. "I spent most of the trip here coming up with bribes. If you'd held out longer, you could've had a billion dollar lab at your disposal."

"Technically, I already do, unless you've decided I'm not welcome back at the tower."

"That only cost around a million to build," Tony said with a wave of his hand and another bite of his granola bar. He was sick of granola bars. When they got back to upstate New York, he was buying the cheesiest pizza he could get his hands on.

"You don't need to bribe me, Tony," Bruce said with a half-smile. "It's not always about you. Me leaving wasn't about you."

Tony just looked at him, and Bruce sighed and ripped open the bag of chips.

"Me coming back, though," he said, more to himself than to Tony, but he didn't finish the sentence.

The granola bar tasted kind of dry now. Tony put it aside. "Would you have preferred that we not come?" he asked quietly. Fury had been so insistent on the idea that Tony get both Clint and Bruce back. But it wouldn't be the first time Fury had been wrong. The look of abject pain on Clint's face when he saw Coulson again was proof of that.

"I would prefer that I didn't have to worry about the big guy snapping and demolishing a city," Bruce said mildly. "Unfortunately, we can't always get what we want."

"Then why bother?"

Bruce glanced at him, and then kept looking, just like he had in the bar, and only when Tony was squirming again did he finally speak. "Because sometimes, Tony, it's not about me either."


	6. Chapter 6

The facility didn’t look any different than it had the last time Tony saw it. He walked towards the front door with a confidence he didn’t feel, half-tempted to turn and take off running in the opposite direction. He might have even tried it but for the fact that Bruce, Coulson and Clint were walking a half step behind him, and he didn’t think any of them would hesitate to run him down if he did. The only thing worse than seeing Steve and Natasha and the other new Avengers again was facing them slung over Clint’s bony shoulder.

The doors slid open smoothly to admit them. Tony stepped into the cool air and jumped when a bright red flash of light shot though the air about two inches from his nose. He opened his mouth to say something, stunned, but it never came out: Coulson grabbed his shoulder, forcibly hauling Tony back until he was behind Coulson and Clint. The indignant words building in Tony’s chest died when Wanda stepped around the corner, dressed in a red bodysuit that was very similar to the one that Black Widow normally wore.

“Hello,” she said, sounding terribly unenthused to see them. A prickle ran down Tony’s back when he saw the familiar red glow building between her fingers. “Have you come to play?”

“Play?” Clint said, and it was only because Tony was standing behind him that he saw Clint’s fingers twitching towards his bow. He hadn’t drawn it yet, but it was looking like a near thing. “You have a strange definition of the word.”

Wanda cocked her head, but she wasn’t the one who answered. Natasha said, “There was a time when you would’ve known exactly what that meant, Barton. You’re slipping.”

“Did I step into the twilight zone without noticing?” Tony muttered to Bruce.

Natasha stepped around the far corner, smirking at them. But all levity in her expression vanished when she caught sight of Coulson, replaced with something that was both hard and deep. “It seems that nothing stays the same, though,” she said, and there was an edge to her voice that wasn’t there before. 

“Tash,” Clint said, spreading his hands.

“Save it,” Natasha said, speaking to both of them, and then she turned and stalked away. Tony wouldn’t have gone after her for a million bucks, but apparently Coulson and Clint didn’t share that level of self preservation. The two of them started after her immediately, moving in near perfect unison. Amazingly Natasha didn’t turn around and stab them both before they got around the corner, which was probably a good sign.

Maybe. Unless she planned to kill them somewhere private.

“Are you looking for Steve?” Wanda asked, and when Tony glanced at her, he realized she was looking straight at him.

“Why does everyone ask that?” he complained.

“They know you too well,” Bruce replied. He’d been very tense while Natasha was in the room, but with her departure he relaxed marginally. “Yes, we are looking for Steve.”

“That way,” Wanda said. "And you might want to duck.”

Tony and Bruce obeyed as Wanda shot a burst of red light over their heads. A familiar voice – Rhodey – yelped and Wanda giggled as she darted by them, running with a sleek grace towards where the yelp had come from. The new team, Tony decided as he straightened up, had collectively lost their minds. Considering what they did on a daily basis that wasn’t exactly surprising – even if, as far as Tony knew, the new team hadn’t actually faced any other threats yet - but it was a little unsettling when he didn’t have the suit with him.

"Go," Bruce said, giving him a hard shove in the shoulder. "Find Steve."

"You're not going to leave, are you?" Tony asked, giving him a suspicious look.

Bruce met his stare evenly. "I'll stay as long as you actually go find Steve and don't try to hide out in whatever lab they built for you. Or leave. If you go, I go."

"You wound me," Tony said, trying to pretend like that hadn't been his plan at all. He stuck a hand in his pocket as he walked away, fingering the port that would allow JARVIS full access to the new Avengers facility. Bruce hadn't said he had to go find Steve right away. There was time to get JARVIS up and running first.

Even though he'd only spent a couple of days there, and most of those days had been spent trying to recuperate from the battle, Tony knew how to make his way around the facility. It was relatively straightforward, after all, though there was a tellingly complicated system of vents that had, no doubt, been designed with one specific archer in mind. He made his way north towards the lab, carefully avoiding the communal areas.

Maria and Fury - and, presumably, Coulson - had been the ones to build the facility. So the lab wasn't really up to Tony's standards. But it would do until he had time to make some minor modifications. He went straight for the nearest computer, biting down on a pang of anxiety as he pressed port to jack and waited for the magic to happen. The fear of having lost JARVIS was still too fresh for him not to be on the edge of his seat.

Maybe that's why he didn't hear the door open behind him until it was too late.

"Tony!"

Shit. Tony winced and twisted around to find Steve Rogers heading straight for him. Or rather, Captain America. Either someone at SHIELD had spent the past week repairing the uniform, or they had spares on hand. Steve had the cowl pulled down around his neck, and though he was carrying his shield he set it down as soon as he was within arm's reach. Apparently to free up his hands, because then he reached out and hugged Tony.

Instant blue screen of death. Tony's mind crashed at the feel of warm, strong arms wrapping around his shoulders and gently pulling him in until there was one long line of heat from thigh to chest, and it took way too long for his mind to reboot. By that point, Steve had sort of leaned down a little too, not to make fun of his height - Tony might've seriously tried to kill him if Steve rested his chin on Tony's head - but to better hug him. 

It was the first time that Tony really paid any attention to just how big Steve's hands were: large enough for the tips of his fingers to skim the curve of Tony's ass when Steve's hand pressed intimately against his lower back. And that, of course, led to thoughts about what else Steve's hands and Tony's ass might be good for. He flushed and awkwardly brought his hands up, trying to think of things that were _not sexy_ as he hugged Steve back.

"I thought you were headed back to New York and Pepper," Steve said, squeezing him just past the point of comfortable. It hurt, but it was so _real_ Tony didn't want him to let go. 

"Change of plans. Pepper and I broke up," Tony replied, aiming for levity and knowing that he'd fallen way flat long before Steve pulled back a little and frowned at him.

"You and Pepper broke up?" he echoed. "When?"

"A few months ago. She didn't want me to be Iron Man anymore." Tony wasn't quite sure where that little bit of honesty came from and belatedly realized that he and Steve were still too close for comfort. He took a step backwards, not sure whether he was disappointed or pleased when Steve's arms released him.

"I didn't know that." Steve's eyebrows furrowed. 

"Yeah, well, we decided to keep it quiet. No sense in getting the media all hyped up about it. Pep was worried about how it would affect the company. And I didn't want to cause her any more trouble than I already have."

"So when you went back to New York, you were alone?"

"No. It took me a couple days of nonstop work to figure out how to get him back, but not alone," Tony said, and when Steve only looked more confused, he called out, "Hey J, you with us?"

"Indeed, Sir," JARVIS said. The sound of his familiar voice was enough to ease some of the building tension in the room. 

"Good man. How's the facility looking?"

"Running diagnostics, sir. It will take approximately three hours."

"Not bad," Tony muttered thoughtfully. First thing on the list was to beef up the processing power, then. Three hours was slow for JARVIS.

"Tony." Steve sounded kind of strangled, like he was having a hard time speaking. "I didn't even realize - you never said -"

"We were kind of busy fighting the evil, world destroying creature I created. I can honestly say I never thought I'd be starring in my own version of Frankenstein."

"That's not funny."

"I know it's not, Cap." Tony sighed. He was screwing this up. Despite the hug, things were still weird between him and Steve, and it was no wonder. He had, after all, nearly killed all of humanity and driven the team apart in the process. And that was after Steve and the rest of the team had repeatedly told him how stupid he was being. He hunched his shoulders a little, avoiding Steve's gaze. Maybe it would've been better if he'd ignored Fury and just stayed in New York.


	7. Chapter 7

The past week or so had been pretty informative. Steve wasn’t exactly thrilled about having a new team, though he hadn’t admitted as much out loud. There was something about the cohesiveness of the original Avengers that he didn’t think could be matched by anyone: Natasha and Clint knew each other too well and shamelessly used that against enemies, Tony could examine a situation and adapt plans on the fly and provide amazing technology, Bruce was a voice of reason and medical aid, the Hulk was sheer destructive force, Thor was an expert on magic, and Steve was the one bringing them all together.

But a new team was what he had to work with, since four of the original members had chosen to leave, and he’d spent the past few days doing just that. He already knew how Sam and Natasha worked, of course. The Vision was just… new. Like a baby animal learning to walk or fly, fighting was not something that seemed to come naturally. Wanda was jerky. Disconnected. There were too many pauses during training where she was clearly waiting for Pietro to step in, and every time it took her a moment to recoup when he didn’t. And Rhodey was definitely skilled, but he wasn’t used to working on this kind of a team.

And also… he wasn’t Tony.

Steve looked at the man standing in front of him, genuinely torn between exasperation and compassion. There was no doubt in his mind that Tony had spent the past several days beating himself up about Ultron. Tony had never been shy about meeting his gaze before, but now Tony kept staring at the floor. And the way his shoulders were hunched, it was like he expected someone to start hitting him at any minute – like he thought someone might want to extract a pound of flesh as an act of retaliation. 

Yes, it was partially Tony’s fault. He’d been stubborn, digging in his heels about Ultron even after being told it wasn’t a good idea, but it was also Bruce’s fault and Steve’s fault and – and just everyone, really. SHIELD for letting Hydra infiltrate them in the first place. Coulson for staying away for so damn long, because they sure as hell could have used his help months ago. Fury for keeping so many things close to the very, instead of just being honest. Wanda for screwing with their heads. Even Steve, for not doing more to convince Tony not to build Ultron in the first place.

Because now, in the wake of all the settling dust, he had to admit that he’d been just a little curious about Tony’s idea. He’d lived through too many battles not to wonder what it would be like to have a world where no one fought and everyone was at peace. A world where Captain America wasn’t necessary, and he would’ve been able to go home after the war and marry Peggy and settle down with a family. It was too late for that, of course, but maybe some other guy would’ve been able to live Steve’s dream.

Or, well, his old dream. He’d been nursing a new one recently, and hearing that Pepper and Tony had broken up a few months ago was making hope flare up in his chest. He was already within easy reaching distance of Tony, but he couldn’t resist taking another step. He set a hand on Tony’s shoulder, noticing the way that Tony stiffened slightly at the contact, but then leaned into it as though he couldn't help it. His eyelashes fluttered shut for just a moment, but in that split second he was beautiful.

It was very, very tempting to just invite Tony back to his room and work this mess out between the sheets. But that was for later, maybe, if Tony wanted it. 

He squeezed Tony's shoulder lightly, making sure that the pressure was just enough so that Tony couldn’t ignore it, and said very gently, “I’m sorry, Tony. I guess I thought that you had a copy of JARVIS in your servers somewhere. That was pretty stupid of me. But I’m glad you were able to rebuild him. He’s definitely one of a kind.”

“Thank you, Captain,” JARVIS said.

“You’re welcome,” Steve replied automatically, not looking away from Tony. He wished Tony would look back at him. It would make this next bit a little easier to say. “Tony? I wasn’t kidding when I said I would miss you. I’m glad you came back. I’m glad you’re here.”

"How can you say that?" Tony said, and he sounded so weary that it hurt. The battle was over and now it was time for everyone to rest a little. There was no reason for Tony to still sound that exhausted. 

"It's the truth."

"Right. Did you forget about what I've done? Does the name Ultron ring any bells, or should I ask Bruce to do a medical scan of your brain? Apparently during the fighting you sustained some latent brain damage that hasn't shown up till now."

Steve rolled his eyes, though it was good to hear that Tony still had that mouthy, sarcastic edge. "I remember everything perfectly, thank you very much, and that's why I'm glad you're here. I won't lie to you and say that mistakes weren't made, because they were. I'm the first to admit that none of us handled things properly. Wanda really got in our heads and things just... started going wrong."

"That's no excuse," Tony said bitterly. "At least not for me. I wasn't even with you guys when she whammied you, remember? I was busy chasing a delusional Hulk and destroying a city."

"Still. None of us handled this well. If anyone is to blame, we all are. No one has the right to put it all on you." He risked bringing his free hand up to cup Tony's cheek, simultaneously thrilled and shocked when Tony didn't instantly pull away. 

Part of him wondered where this sudden show of bravery was coming from. But a much bigger part of Steve was just filled with relief. He and Tony had been dancing around this since the day they'd gotten into their first fight on the Helicarrier, but there was always something that kept Steve from crossing that line. Seeing Tony so worn down with beating himself up made him forget that line even existed. Anything to put a smile back on Tony's face.

"It was my fault," Tony whispered, his head dipping. For the first time since Steve had known him, Tony sounded like he was trying not to cry. "All those people, Steve. I was just trying to do the right thing."

"I know you were. I've been there," Steve muttered, remembering how cocky he'd been after rescuing Bucky and those other men from Hydra. How sure that nothing would be able to stop them, because he and Bucky were invincible. Right up until his fingers closed around nothing as Bucky fell, and now he had to watch his brainwashed best friend run around trying to kill innocent people. 

It was just so _easy_ to think that you were doing the right thing.

He sighed, and somehow they had gotten close enough that he could see the moisture that had collected on Tony's lower eyelashes. The man looked awful; there were deep circles under his puffy, swollen eyes, and he was a good five to ten pounds lighter than he'd been the last time Steve had seen him. Tony was in desperate need of a good meal and a very long night's sleep.

"Come on," he said now, keeping his voice gentle. "Why don't you come with me to get something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Sir, it has been well over seventy-two hours since your last decent meal," JARVIS piped up helpfully.

"I ate on the plane," Tony said.

"I don't believe a granola bar counts as a meal."

"Sure it does. A meal in a bar, says so right on the box."

Steve snorted, shaking his head fondly. "JARVIS is right, Tony. That's not a meal, and if you get any smaller you're not going to fit into the armor anymore."

"That's a damn lie, but it doesn't matter. I retired, remember?" Tony forced a smile. It looked so fake that Steve winced. He'd suspected that Tony had retired more because he felt he should than because he wanted to, and now he knew that to be true. 

"Well, effective today I'm officially tearing up all of the resignation papers I was given."

"I never _gave_ you papers, old man."

"Just one less thing for me to do, then," Steve said, dropping his hand from Tony's cheek. He stealthily wound the hand that had been on Tony's shoulder around his waist, steering Tony out of the lab. Food was just step one, but if he could get a meal into the stubborn man he'd consider it an accomplishment.


	8. Chapter 8

It turned out that Steve was serious about the meal. Not twenty minutes later, after leaving JARVIS to run the diagnostics, Tony found himself being guided into the cafeteria. Steve’s hand was hot and heavy on his shoulder. Officially it was to prevent Tony from running away, but honestly that was the last thing on his mind. He was hungry, but more than that he was _tired_ , and for the first time since he’d left the facility he thought there was a chance he might be able to relax.

Steve steered him over to a table and gently pushed him down. They’d stopped by Steve’s room on the way to the cafeteria so that he could change out of his uniform and into jeans and a t-shirt, and Tony blamed that for the reason that he was left staring dumbly as Steve walked over to where the food was being set out. He’d never seen those jeans before, but the way the material clung to Steve’s ass in all the right places made him want to buy Steve a few dozen extra pairs.

He was preoccupied enough with his staring that he didn’t even notice Rhodey coming up behind him until he was flicked in the back of the head. Tony yelped, wincing, and pouted up at his best friend. “That was mean. And here I thought I’d get a nice reception, that you might have missed me.”

“I did miss you,” Rhodey said, dropping down into the seat across from Tony. He looked mad. “That’s the only reason why I didn’t punch you instead. What the hell were you thinking?”

Tony winced. “I know,” he said, unable to meet Rhodey’s gaze. “Ultron was a mistake, I _know_ that –”

“Not that! Well yes, that too, but mostly I meant that thing where you resigned from the Avengers and went back to the tower alone. You know better than that.”

“That’s what you’re pissed about?” Tony said, a little disbelievingly, and, when Rhodey’s scowl darkened, threw his hands up. “Okay, fine, it’s just – what did you expect me to do? I wasn’t going to stick around here. Ultron was my fault. I don’t deserve to be an Avenger anymore. I –” He had to bite back the rest of that sentence, which was that maybe he hadn’t even deserved it in the first place. He’d been offered a place on the team out of desperation, not because anyone actually wanted him.

“Oh, Tones.” Rhodey sighed, his expression softening just a tiny bit. “That’s bullshit. I’m not going to argue that you fucked up, but no one wants to see you punish yourself like that. You hiding away in the tower by yourself, away from the rest of the team and Steve, doesn’t change what happened _or_ make it any better.”

“Okay, why does everyone keep going on about Steve?” Tony demanded.

Rhodey just looked at him. “Was that a serious question?”

“Of course it was. You, Fury, Clint, Coulson, Bruce – it’s like you’re all broken records,” Tony said, frustrated. “Steve, Steve, Steve! I’m not an Avenger anymore, so Steve’s not even my leader.” 

“Oh my god,” Rhodey muttered under his breath, shaking his head slowly. “Are you really this oblivious, or are you just pretending?” 

Tony tried not to squirm. “Okay, so I like Steve,” he said very quietly, making sure that Steve was still a safe distance away. “And apparently I haven’t been as subtle about it as I thought.” Rhodey’s mouth twitched with humor. Tony ignored that and forged on. “But that’s – that’s on me, not him. Steve doesn’t like me that way, and even if he did you know it wouldn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t even keep it together with Pepper, so what chance would I have with someone like Steve?”

"I'm going to go with oblivious," Rhodey decided, cracking open his can of cola. "And also, I miss Pepper. She was always so much better at getting things like this through your thick head."

That stung. "I don't want to talk about _things_ anymore."

"That was low. I'm sorry. As apology, I will explain this to you once and only once. I haven't been able to spend that much time around you guys and even I can tell that Steve is in love with you. He's spent the past week moping around since you left; I'm pretty sure the only reason he's been getting up in the morning is because Natasha will go in to get him if he doesn't."

"I see your mouth moving, but the words you're saying don't make any sense," Tony said. "This is Steve Rogers we're talking about. Captain America? The guy who all the history books reported as being in love with Bucky Barnes? The one who, if he didn't before, now _definitely_ hates me for the evil I unleashed that almost destroyed the word? Any of that ringing any bells with you, or should I go get some of those god awful campy videos?" He felt even worse with every word that came out of his mouth.

Rhodey shuddered. "No. I can still remember most of them word for word. You really did have the worst taste in college when you were drunk."

"His tastes while drunk haven't improved much," Steve said. Tony tried not to startle too badly, pulling his hands back as Steve set a tray in front of him. There was a surprisingly edible-looking plate of lasagna, a whole wheat roll with some packets of butter, a bottle of water and a container of butterscotch pudding. He stared at it.

"Butterscotch?" he asked weakly.

"It's your favorite, though why I don't know. Chocolate is obviously superior." Steve sat down right beside Tony with his own tray, which was identical except he'd chosen chocolate pudding.

Steve knew he liked butterscotch pudding over chocolate. Why did Steve know he liked butterscotch pudding over chocolate? He pointedly did not look at Rhodey's smirk and slowly picked up his fork. The food smelled delicious, but he didn't think he'd be able to eat much. Not only did food have the tendency to taste like cardboard lately, his stomach didn't take well to it. He ate a few bites, half-listening while Rhodey and Steve started talking about some new training routines for the team.

It was awkward to sit there and listen to them talk. Tony'd had a lot of dreams for the team after New York. And it had all fallen apart right in front of Tony's eyes. By his own hands, no less. Now the Avengers were becoming something different entirely, and Tony wasn't a part of it regardless of how determined everyone had been to get him back here. No matter what Steve said about not accepting his resignation papers, he didn't know if he could put the suit back on.

Well, of course he could. But would he feel right about it? Second guessing yourself out on the field was a recipe for disaster, and he'd been so certain about Ultron that Tony didn't see how he couldn't. He'd been wrong about that, so god only knew how many other things he'd been wrong about. How could Steve, or any of the team, trust his judgment? He poked morosely at his lasagna, which actually had a lot of hamburger in it for a cafeteria-style meal, and wondered if Bruce would really leave if he went back to New York.

As though sensing the direction Tony's thoughts had taken, Rhodey turned to him. "Aren't you hungry?" 

"Not really," Tony mumbled, finally setting his fork down. 

"You should at least eat your pudding. I had to fight Maria for it," Steve said. 

Against his will, Tony smiled a little. "Was it a fight to the death?"

"It was very gory. She stabbed me in the back of the hand with her fork." Steve held up his hand as proof, but of course there were no marks on his hand thanks to the serum. "I'd hate for my hard work to go unappreciated."

Was there a double meaning to that? Tony wasn't sure. He picked up the pudding and lifted the spoon to his mouth, shocked when it actually tasted good. It was flavored with cinnamon and pecans, and - while Rhodey and Steve resumed their conversation - he closed his eyes to better enjoy it. That turned out to be a mistake. Only midway through the pudding, even though he was still vertical, his body seemed to that as a sign that it was time to shut down. Exhaustion swept over him so fast that it left him dizzy and he swayed a little.

"Tony?" Steve said. His voice sounded like it was coming from a long ways away. Someone touched the cup of pudding, trying to pry it out of his hands.

"No," Tony said, or thought he said, clinging to it. The pudding was the first thing in his life since he'd created Ultron that didn't make him feel like a complete failure. He didn't have to worry about what it really thought, or wonder if it secretly hated him. It was just tasty pudding.

The hands paused, and then Steve sighed. "Oh Tony. Come on. I think it's time for bed."

"You watch yourself, Rogers. I have both eyes on you. That's my best friend you're manhandling," Rhodey said.

After another pause, Steve said, "I'll be careful." And he sounded very serious. A hand touched Tony's shoulder, urging him to stand, and he obeyed. When he opened his eyes, the room was spinning. He groaned a little. Steve shushed him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and helping him over to the doors. The second they were out of the cafeteria, Steve bent and scooped him and the pudding up.

"I am not a princess," Tony slurred, indignant.

Steve chuckled. "Whatever you say, Princess," he said, his tone teasing and warm in a way that Tony felt all the way down to his bones.


	9. Chapter 9

It should not have been as comfortable to wake up under over 200lbs of super soldier as it was. Tony really did not want to wake up at all, actually. He didn't remember much being carried back to Steve's room, but he definitely remembered Steve crawling into bed with him. He'd actually tried to get up, thinking that Steve had made a mistake, only to be pinned down by an arm around his waist and a leg thrown possessively across his thighs. As it turned out, Steve was something of a cuddler when he slept. Hence the fact that Tony was waking up to find that Steve was still a warm line pressed all the way down his back, one leg slipped between Tony's legs and the other still draped across Tony's thighs.

He was warm, because Steve was throwing off an insane amount of heat, and comfortable, and it had literally been years since he'd slept this well. Probably before Afghanistan, if he was being honest. Usually some form of a nightmare woke him up, though lately Ultron had been featuring over the more familiar nightmares of Afghanistan, New York and Pepper dying from Extremis. Last night had been the first night where he'd slept straight through with no bad dreams at all. He would've gone ahead and called it a miracle, but it was more likely a combination of being utterly exhausted and going to bed wrapped up in Steve's arms. It seemed that Captain America really could do anything.

The bed shifted behind him. Steve's hand, which was resting on Tony's stomach, flexed. Then Steve whispered, "Maybe you just need to give it time, Clint. I mean, you know what SHIELD is like. Secrets on secrets on secrets."

"I know, Cap. Believe me, no one knows that better than me. I just didn't think that I'd fall into that trap. I thought we were past all that. I - he's been alive all this time, and I don't know how to handle that. Natasha punched him in the face last night, and all he could do was stand there and say that he had to do it. That Fury asked him to stay undercover with his new team, and after SHIELD fell and we thought Fury was dead he still thought that was the best thing to do. Never mind the fact that he was fine before SHIELD fell. Never mind that we could've use his help a hundred times over. Never mind that all this time I thought -" Clint cut himself off abruptly, but not before a note of true anguish slipped into his voice. Tony fought back a wince.

"Clint..." Steve sounded equally distressed. "I don't know what to tell you. What does Natasha think?"

"Oh fuck, she's so pissed off she can't even see straight. After she punched him, she told him to get the fuck out of her sight. I haven't seen Coulson move that fast in a while." Clint chuckled mirthlessly. "And then she told me I was being stupid, and then she pulled out the vodka. To be perfectly honest, I don't remember a whole lot of what happened after that. Except I woke up this morning with a headache like you wouldn't believe."

Steve snorted. "You should know better than to drink Natasha's vodka. I'm pretty sure she makes it herself in a little shed on the back of the property."

"I wouldn't put it past her. Look, I know you've got your hands full with the new team and Tony and everything. I didn't mean to -"

"It's fine, Clint. I'm still your team leader -"

"You know, technically I did retire -"

"- and more than that, I'm still your friend. Also, I'll tell you what I told Tony. Even if you'd given me official resignation papers, I'd be tearing them up right now. You're still an Avenger. That doesn't just go away. You don't have to be on the official roster or anything, but there's always a place for you here."

God, it was amazing how stubborn Steve could be. It was even more amazing that, where Tony once would've been annoyed or frustrated with that, now it just filled him with a soft, gooey fondness that he never would have admitted to out loud. Apparently Fury wasn't the only one who wanted the Avengers team back together; Tony was seriously beginning to wonder whether or not Steve would've come to fetch the team himself if Tony hadn't collected them first. 

Clint just sighed. "Thanks Cap. That means a lot. Before - well, let's just say when Tony showed up I was ready to be an Avenger again. And now this has thrown me for a loop. Do you know I woke up this morning and I couldn't even figure out if I was dreaming? I was sitting there staring at him, because he fell asleep on the floor of my room, and I was thinking that I should nudge him with my foot to see if he was real. Except I wasn't even sure I wanted to do that, just in case it turned out I was dreaming and he disappeared. I must've spent ten minutes wrestling with myself. Finally, I got out of bed and left without touching him."

"He's real. I saw him too," said Steve.

"That's not much consolation right now," Clint muttered. "How is that I can be so fucking mad at someone and want to hug them tight at the same time?"

"If you figure it out, let me know. It's a state of mind I'm intimately familiar with."

"Oh, come on. We all know you and Tony lean way more towards the hugging side of the spectrum. I'm a spy, Cap, give me a little credit. I'm not as oblivious as Tony. You might be pissed off at him for Ultron, but you're also using him like a giant teddy bear. I can hardly stand to look at Coulson right now."

Tony wasn't blushing. He wasn't.

It was Steve's turn to sigh. "Why does everyone assume I'm pissed off at Tony? Please stop saying that. He's been beating himself up about it enough as it is. Sure, he did something stupid. And just like Coulson, it was for what he thought was the right reason. But he didn't lie to me, we all fucked this up, and I still trust him. Besides, I wasn't referring to Tony. At least not all the time. There are plenty of people in my lifetime that have pissed me off, Clint. Sometimes I know how to handle it and sometimes I don't. I guess what you have to figure out is whether or not you can trust Coulson again. That's not something I can decide for you, but I can tell you that there is no way I'd take a guy to my room, never mind my bed, to do _anything_ with me if I couldn't trust him." His grip tightened a little on Tony, who was too frozen to even think about responding.

There was a long pause. "It sounds kind of stupid when you say it like that," Clint said thoughtfully.

"What do you mean?"

"I was just remembering coming to SHIELD for the first time, and thinking I'd found someone I could really trust in Coulson. Turns out I was all wrong about that. He let me think he was dead. He let all of us think that. And you know what, maybe I'd feel differently if I thought that it had bothered him.. but I don't think it did. Or at least it doesn't seem like it did. I honestly think he thinks that he was doing us all a favor by pretending to be dead. What if I forgive him and the same thing happens all over again?"

Tony had kept his eyes shut all this time, pretending to be asleep, feeling increasingly awkward about listening to what was obviously a very private conversation. But he couldn't keep quiet anymore. "Coulson and Fury were like best friends for as long as I've known them. This was all Fury's idea, I bet," he said into the pillow. Steve didn't tense next to him, which meant he'd known Tony was awake the whole time. Of course he had. Tony determinedly did not blush even more.

"That doesn't really make it any better," Clint said, sounding completely unsurprised. "It just makes me question his judgment. God, I don't know, maybe he's not even the same person anymore. What they did to bring him back... maybe it's not even my Phil." His voice cracked, and Tony tilted his head to the side and opened one eye to peek at him. The raw devastation in Clint's face was hard to look at. 

"Give it time, Clint," Steve said softly. "You don't have to make your decision right now. Talk to him. See how it is having him around. Just because Fury wants him here doesn't mean anything to me. The team isn't run by SHIELD, and as far as I'm concerned you're more important than Coulson is. If you don't want him here, we can toss him out. His new team can have him back."

"Thanks, Cap," Clint said, mustering a half-hearted smile. "I guess I should stop hiding before Natasha comes to track me down, huh?"

"That's probably a wise move on your part. It's always painful when Natasha decides to track you down."

Clint snorted, which suggested he was intimately familiar with that, and got up. He wandered out of the room looking more lost than Tony had ever seen him. But he didn't have very long to think about Clint, because the hand on his stomach slipped up to his chest and then pulled until Tony had to roll over on his back. He found himself looking into Steve's eyes, and it made him remember what Steve had just said about trusting him. It was a really stupid decision on Steve's part, but there was no doubt in Tony's mind that Steve meant it. He licked his lips, feeling self-conscious, even more so when Steve's eyes briefly dropped to follow the movement of his tongue before meeting his gaze again.

"Hi," Steve said.

It was the dorkiest thing ever. Tony couldn't help a tiny smile. "Hi."


	10. Chapter 10

Tony’s heart was thudding in his ears, because Steve was close. _Really_ close. As in, draped over Tony’s body so that Tony was pinned to the bed. And, contrary to what Tony had been thinking for the past couple of weeks, he didn’t look like he wanted to punch Tony in the face. If anything, the smile on his face and the way his eyes kept dropping to look at Tony’s mouth suggested… but that couldn’t be right. Tony had to be reading the situation wrong. 

Or maybe he was reading it completely right. He froze when Steve closed the distance between them. It was a very short kiss, more of a peck on the lips, lasting just long enough for Tony to realize what was happening but not long enough for him to respond. Then Steve pulled back, expression still unbearably fond, and just looked down at him. Slowly, he started to look a little concerned, and then he tapped Tony on the jaw.

“Breathe, Princess.”

More from surprise at the nickname than anything, Tony instinctively inhaled and demanded, “What did you just call me?”

Steve grinned. “You heard me. I think it suits you pretty well.”

“It does not!”

“I say otherwise. Princess.” Steve winked at him, ignoring Tony’s outraged sputtering, and added, “I know you were awake while I was talking to Clint. So you heard what I had to say. I’m not angry at you. I was for a little while at first, but then I realized that you really did think you were doing the right thing by creating Ultron. It would be pretty hypocritical of me to be angry for that when I’ve made my own fair share of bad decisions because I was scared.”

“I wasn’t scared,” Tony lied, and could tell that Steve didn’t believe him for a second. He turned his head away, looking at Steve’s room for the first time. It was fairly spacious, though sparsely decorated. There were some pictures on the dresser – an old one of the Howling Commandos, Bucky and Peggy, another one of Peggy by herself, one of the team just after the Battle of New York, one of Steve, Sam and Natasha, and one of just Tony – and some photographs on the walls, but that was it. No clothes on the floor, no mess, nothing else to indicate someone actually lived here.

“Tony,” Steve said, waiting until Tony reluctantly looked back at him to continue. “It’s okay to be scared, you know. After everything we’ve been through, how could you not be?”

“Being scared is a weakness,” Tony replied. “I’m not weak.” The words tasted bad, and suddenly he didn’t want to be here anymore. He’d spent his whole life proving to himself and everyone around him, especially his father, that he was the opposite of weak. Because Stark men weren’t weak, and if, in a moment of that weakness, Tony had created a monster that nearly destroyed the world…

His heart sped up, way beyond what it had been when Steve was leaning over him, and he couldn’t breathe right. He pushed at Steve until Steve got the hint and leaned back to let him up. Tony sat up fast, maybe too fast from how the room spun around him, and leaned over the side of the bed. He was shaking, and he felt a little like he was going to throw up, but at the same time his throat was too tight. All he could think about was how close he’d come to ruining everything, and how _sure_ he’d been that he was right, and how could Tony – or anyone, really – trust himself now?

Just when he was positive he was going to pass out, because it had happened before when he couldn’t calm himself down quickly enough, familiar arms wound around his waist and pulled him up. Tony resisted, flailing weakly, as Steve hugged him. His head ended up on Steve’s chest, where he could hear the familiar thrum of Steve’s heartbeat. Steve was taking slow, deep breaths and speaking quietly. Though the words themselves were lost, the low cadence of his voice was soothing.

Weak. Steve was right. He was so _weak_. Tony squeezed his eyes shut in disgust even as he felt his body automatically beginning to adjust itself to follow Steve’s rhythm. The too quick gasps for air gradually stopped as he breathed more deeply, letting air into his lungs. But though he could breathe again, and the black dots weren’t dancing in front of his eyes, he was still left feeling shaky and sick. His heart was still pounding faster than it should have been, and the panic lingered.

But he was aware enough to be able to listen now, and to his relief Steve wasn’t spouting off reassurances. Instead, Steve was talking about how the training for the new recruits had been going. Rhodey was doing very well, though it was taking time for him to learn how to work with the team. Sam’s wings were giving him issues. Wanda was having a hard time without Pietro (Tony’s breathing started getting faster at the mention of Wanda, so Steve quickly and gracefully moved on) and the Vision was adapting fairly well, all things considered.

“It’s a good team, and with time I think we’ll do okay. It’ll be easier now that you, Clint and Bruce are here to help. I wish Thor was back too, but he’s still on Asgard and there hasn’t been any sign of him coming back,” Steve said. “Fortunately we have the Vision and Rhodey to give us extra air support when you can’t do it.”

“I told you, I quit,” Tony said, eyes still closed, but it was half-hearted at best. He hadn’t been able to keep away from the suit after the Mandarin incident, either. It was like a drug, except one that kept him sane. He just couldn’t stay away.

“I know you did,” Steve murmured, voice warm with amusement, and pressed a kiss to the side of Tony’s head. “Tony, you are _not_ weak. You’re one of the strongest people I know. Being scared is not a weakness. It makes you human.”

Tony tensed a little, but the panic didn’t come roaring back. He said, “I almost destroyed the world, Steve, because I thought I knew what I was doing.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t stubborn as hell and too hard-headed for your own good. Maybe next time, just be more willing to listen to what the rest of your team is saying.”

“Next time?” Tony opened his eyes to stare at him.

Steve smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, okay, that didn’t come out right. I just meant… You made one mistake. Yeah, it was a pretty big mistake. But it doesn’t mean you can’t be trusted, or that you’re always going to make mistakes. Bruce made a mistake that turned him into the Hulk. You wouldn’t say that he can’t be trusted, would you?”

“That’s different.”

“I don’t see how. The Hulk’s destroyed a lot of things and killed some people. Unchecked, he could destroy the world, too. We all could. We’ve _all_ made mistakes, Tony. Sometimes there are big consequences, but you just have to fix it as best you can, learn from it, and then move on. It doesn’t mean the team is going to turn their backs on you, or that I stopped caring about you. Beating yourself up to the point where you isolate yourself, stop eating, stop sleeping, and have panic attacks isn’t helping.”

Tony just kept staring. Steve was saying all the right things, things that Tony had desperately wanted to hear, but he couldn’t believe that Steve really felt that way. It seemed impossible. “I can’t trust myself. How can you trust me?”

“Maybe I just know you better than you do,” Steve said.

“Or maybe you don’t know me well enough.”

“Nope, pretty sure it’s the former.” Steve started to lean down, like he was going to kiss Tony again, and then paused. His cheeks flushed. “Is this, uh. Is this okay?”

“Yes,” Tony said before he could stop himself, because he’d always been an appallingly selfish man. Even though he didn’t deserve Steve, Tony had wanted him since he was three years old and Howard first told him the story of Captain America. That teenage crush had never really gone away, only deepened into something that, were Tony a weak man, would have been frightening in its intensity. He’d spent the past three years trying unsuccessfully to keep walls up between him and Steve, but apparently it had all been for nothing. 

“Are you sure?”

“Don’t ask me if I’m sure, Steve. I might be supremely fucked up right now, and I think you’re crazy for wanting to do anything with me, but I’m not going to say no.”

“Tony.” Steve didn’t look very happy. “You’re no more fucked up than I am. And I want more than just a quick roll in the sheets.” He touched the side of Tony’s face. 

Tony made himself be honest. His head was spinning at this new revelation, but Steve deserved that at least. “I don’t know if I can give you that. I tried with Pepper, and it all went to shit. If I can’t make it work with her, no one else stands much of a chance.”

Steve pressed his lips into a thin line, looking like he had a lot to say about that, but all he said was, “You’re staying here with us, aren’t you? Can we just see how it goes over the next couple of weeks?”

“Only if you kiss me again,” Tony said recklessly. There was a heart stopping moment when he didn’t think Steve would, but then Steve smiled and leaned down to kiss him again.


	11. Chapter 11

A good night’s sleep left Tony feeling much steadier on his feet, enough so that he was able to take a shower without worrying that he was going to collapse and hit his head halfway through. He hadn’t showered in… well, actually he couldn’t remember the last time he’d showered. Right after the battle, definitely, but since then? It had probably been a while. Frankly, it was amazing that Steve was willing to share a bed with him.

He got out dripping wet and dried off with what was probably the roughest towel he’d ever used in his life, only realizing that he didn’t have any other clothes with him when the saw the pile of Steve’s clothing sitting on the counter. Officially Tony did have a room in the facility, but since he hadn’t expected to ever stay for more than a couple of hours, he’d never bothered to leave anything here. There had to be other clothing in the facility that would fit him better, but he pulled on Steve’s jeans and shirt anyway. 

The jeans were a little long and too loose; he rolled up the cuffs and tightened the belt around his waist. The shirt wasn’t too ill-fitting, mostly because Steve had the tendency to wear his shirts as if they were painted on. He made a half-assed attempt at drying his hair and left the bathroom, emerging in a cloud of steam to find that Steve was already dressed and waiting for him.

Steve openly looked him over, but all he said was, “Ready for breakfast?”

“I should go check on JARVIS and see how he’s making out. Also, remind me to re-stock the towels in this place. They’re crap.”

“They’re perfectly fine towels, and you need to eat.”

“I can eat later.”

“You mean after you and JARVIS have started dissecting every inch of this place?” Steve asked wryly. “I know you better than that. Come on. I think they’re serving pancakes this morning.” He smiled. “I’ll even see if I can get you another butterscotch pudding.”

Tony frowned, but his grumbling stomach made the decision for him. He didn’t think he’d eat much of the meal, but it was easier to go along with Steve, especially when Steve was giving him those infamous puppy dog eyes that were so hard to say no to. “Fine. But after that I really do have work to do. God only knows what shoddy technology SHIELD has installed in this place.”

“There are a couple of things that have been misfiring,” Steve admitted. “Sam’s wings are in need of a serious overhaul, for one thing, and I’m pretty sure Rhodey’s been having trouble with his suit.”

“He hasn’t let SHIELD touch it, has he?” Tony said, aghast at the idea.

“No. He seemed to feel, and I agree, that it was better to deal with a couple of glitches than let someone who didn’t understand the suit fiddle around with it.”

“Thank god,” Tony muttered. “Fury is a lying liar who lies, so there’s no telling what he would do with my tech.” At least now he could be relatively sure that Hydra wouldn’t get his tech, even if SHIELD did.

They made it back to the cafeteria-style room. It was about half-full. Tony noticed, but ignored, some of the glares a few agents were aiming in his direction as he followed Steve over to the same table they’d sat at last night. Sam was the only one sitting there, looking more asleep than awake as he poked morosely at a bowl of cornflakes. He grunted when Tony sat down, which Tony took as a greeting.

“Steve said you’ve been having issues with your wings,” he said, not bothering with small talk.

Sam perked up. “Yeah. I could never do tight turns, but now the right wing is dragging a lot if I try to do too many turns at once. And I’m noticing that more and more, I’m starting to smell burnt rubber. I can usually do most of the smaller maintenance myself, but I’ve taken them apart half a dozen times now with no luck. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“J, start a scan on Sam’s wings,” Tony said, working off a hunch. 

It proved correct, as less than five seconds later JARVIS said, “Yes sir.”

It was more amusing than it probably should have been to see just how many people jumped, Sam included, at the sound of JARVIS’s voice coming from the ceiling. Evidently someone – Tony suspected Coulson or Fury – had installed a similar speaker system to what the tower had. He’d still have to upgrade pretty much everything, but the system was already a hundred times improved just for having JARVIS in it. He had to wonder just how many unauthorized agents had been locked out of the facility this morning. He smirked to himself.

“Blueprints,” he continued, disregarding the rest of the room. “Compare them to what we’ve got of the old ones. Mark areas for improvement. Might have to start from scratch.”

“Hey,” Sam objected. “I like my wings. Just fixing the old ones will do.”

Tony shrugged at him. “Whatever,” he said flippantly, because he could understand the desire to hold onto something tried and true. “Scratch that last one.”

“Noted, sir.”

Steve came over to the table with two trays. The one he set in front of Tony had a large cup of coffee, three pancakes, syrup, a small bowl of strawberries, and the promised butterscotch pudding. Tony went for the coffee first, not sure whether to be surprised or not that it was already prepared exactly the way he liked it: no cream or milk, just a heaping tablespoon of sugar. He sipped at it slowly, even though it burned his tongue, and let out a little moan.

“Do you want to be alone with your coffee?” Steve asked, raising an eyebrow.

“If I do, I’m not coming back,” Tony said, cradling the cup lovingly. He’d marry coffee if he could. “Anyone see Bruce this morning? He didn’t break our agreement, did he?”

“I don’t know what kind of agreement you had, but he was in here earlier. Left with a couple coffees,” said Sam. “I haven’t seen him since.”

“Well, at least he’s still here,” Tony muttered, having half-expected to wake up to the news that Bruce had fled again during the night. “Coulson?”

“If he were smart, he’d have left. Natasha was up sharpening her knives all night.”

Tony and Steve winced at the same time, but it was Steve who spoke. “If he’s smart, he won’t go. I think this is the one chance he has to fix things with Clint.”

And maybe even that wasn’t going to be enough, Tony reflected, remembering this morning’s conversation. At least when everyone thought Tony was dead, a) it wasn’t his fault if you ignored the fact that he’d basically invited the Mandarin to his house, and b) he’d found a way to let Pepper know otherwise as quickly as possible. Coulson had orchestrated this little mess purposely, even though he’d known what it would do to Clint and Natasha. If Hydra hadn’t fucked everything up, Coulson might never have reached out to the team. Could you forgive something like that? Tony honestly didn’t know.

Then again, he wasn’t sure if you could truly forgive someone who’d nearly destroyed humanity. 

He stayed quiet as Steve and Sam changed the topic to baseball, nursing his coffee. He was contemplating the bowl of strawberries and wondering if he really wanted to eat them when a flash of red caught his eye and he looked up automatically. Wanda and Vision had walked into the room, and oh – seeing Vision still made Tony’s heart twist in his chest, even though he knew JARVIS was literally just a word away. More proof of how badly he’d fucked up.

Instead of walking over to the food, Wanda approached their table. Tony tried not to visibly tense, but he clearly didn’t do a very good job because Steve put a reassuring hand on his knee. Behind Wanda, Vision was watching them closely. But Tony didn’t know who Vision was there to support, and he wouldn’t have put money on himself.

“Hey Wanda,” Sam said, smiling.

“Hello,” Wanda said, but she didn’t look at Sam. She was looking at Tony. 

Sam glanced back and forth between the two of them. “Something we can help you with?”

“I came to apologize.”

That was the absolute last thing Tony had been expecting to hear. He was well aware that Wanda hated him. He had no clue what she could possibly want to apologize for. “What?”

“Natasha told me that I should apologize to my teammates for entering their heads without their permission and causing emotional trauma, even if we were enemies at the time,” she said. It sounded like something she’d rehearsed. 

“You weren’t in my head,” Tony said, frowning. “I was off chasing the Hulk.”

Wanda rolled her eyes. “Before that. In Strucker's base.”

Tony went very still, and his voice came out as just a rasp. “You were there?”

“Yes.” She said something else, but Tony wasn’t listening. He was too busy remembering the moment that nightmare had overcome him, when he’d looked at his dead teammates and been paralyzed by horror and dread. The nightmare that had gone a long way towards fueling his decision to create Ultron in the first place, because he was terrified that it was going to become reality. The nightmare that apparently, Wanda had given him, all in an effort to fuck with his head.

Well, she’d certainly succeeded.

He stood up, barely aware of Steve saying his name and Wanda taking an uncertain step backwards. Tony paid no attention to either of them. He walked out of the room.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was commissioned by anon. I hope no one's forgotten this fic!

"What did you see?"

The sound of Natasha's voice right over his shoulder would've, at one point, made Tony tense up. Right now, he was just too exhausted and numb to even react. He kept staring straight ahead, not looking at her even when she effortlessly pulled herself up onto the tree branch beside him. Which - not fair. It had taken Tony at least five minutes to struggle up here, hoping for a place where Steve wouldn't find him.

When the silence dragged on, Natasha bumped him gently with her shoulder. "Tony? What did Wanda make you see?"

"You were all dead," Tony said, still not looking at her. The sun was bright enough to make his eyes water - or at least, that's what he was blaming the dampness in his eyes on. "All of you. The earth was about to be destroyed. And it was my fault."

Natasha was quiet for a moment. Then she said, very gently, "And?"

"Steve told me I could've saved them. He said I should've done more." He spoke the words as flatly as he could. In his mind's eye, he could still see the cracked shield and those alien ships converging on the rest of the world, while its defenders lay dead because Tony hadn't done enough.

"So you did more," Natasha said, sounding as though a lot of things were suddenly coming together for her. 

"I tried. In the end, it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, wasn't it?"

"No."

"Oh please, don't tell me you're -"

"I'm not pandering to you, if that's what you were about to suggest." She gripped his chin, dragging his head around so that their eyes met. "You didn't destroy everything. We're still here, Tony."

"But I shouldn't be," Tony said. That's what no one seemed to get. "I'm a danger to everyone."

Natasha snorted. "You think you're special? Clint and I are trained as assassins. Bruce is a green rage monster at times. Steve could kill people with one hand. We haven't even figured out a tenth of what the Vision can do. And Wanda has powers that fuck with your mind. We're all dangerous in our own way. We all have blood on our hands."

"But is that blood because you thought you were doing the right thing?" Tony demanded. "Did you kill those people because the Red Room told you it was right and you believed them? No, of course not. I built weapons thinking I was doing the right thing. I created Ultron thinking he would protect the Earth. All I ever end up doing is making things _worse_." His voice cracked, much to his embarrassment.

"You've also made some things better. For one thing, you brought us all together," Natasha said. "Ultron was a mistake. I'm not denying that. But it's not just your fault."

"I built him -"

"And Wanda was the one who triggered your PTSD in the first place, which is part of what prompted you to do so." Natasha's voice was very calm. Too calm. "She deliberately fucked with your head until you saw what scared you the most. Stop taking all of the blame for something that was not entirely your fault. Other people had a hand in this. A lot of people."

"You're angry at her," Tony realized.

Natasha's laugh was low and restrained. "I am so angry I could put a knife through her back and not feel the slightest bit bad about it. I know she doesn't really understand why she has to apologize. She doesn't mean it, not the way she should."

"She's young," Tony said, knowing it was a weak excuse.

"You were young when you were building the weapons that Obadiah Stane sold to America's enemies," Natasha said, "Do you feel that excuses your actions?"

"No, but that's different."

"I don't see how."

"My weapons killed her parents. I don't blame her for seeking revenge."

Natasha leaned in close. Her eyes glittered in that way that meant she was seriously pissed. "What if a gun killed her parents? Or a knife? What if someone hit her parents with a car? Does that justify her purposely going to the enemy and asking for the power to get revenge?"

"Natasha..." Tony had never her speak this way. Ever.

"I loathe Hydra as much as I do the Red Room. They're equivalent, in my mind, and it sickens me to think that anyone would work with them willingly," Natasha said. "You're right. Wanda's young, but she'll grow up and learn. Just like you did. Just like all of us did. But that doesn't mean her actions don't count.

"I know you blame yourself for everything that happened. It's what you do. I can tell you it's wrong and you might never believe me, and that's fine. What isn't fine is you running away, because that solves nothing." Her voice actually shook, just a little, and suddenly Tony got it.

"You're talking about Coulson."

"He left like we meant nothing," Natasha said, not denying it. "We all make mistakes, Tony. What matters is what we do after the fact. Running away, hiding ourselves, just means that we were too cowardly to try and repent. Coulson taught me that when I first joined SHIELD. He told me I could make up for the blood on my hands by helping to save people. Isn't that why you became Iron Man?"

Tony nodded. "Instead I ended up doing the exact opposite."

She grabbed his hands, squeezing them tightly. "It's not too late. You can still make up for it. All of us can."

"Why do you want to give me a second chance?" Tony asked before he could stop himself.

"Because someone gave me one. I've had a lot of second chances. Too many, by my count, but they never gave up on me. I won't give up on you either, and neither will Steve."

Steve. Tony closed his eyes for a moment, trying to re-orient himself. "Steve likes me," he said, even though saying it made him feel like a thirteen-year-old teenager.

"Steve loves you," Natasha corrected him. "And you love him. That's okay. Something else Coulson taught me is that it's okay to be loved, even when you've done terrible things or you think you don't deserve it."

"He sounds like he was a good mentor to you," Tony said.

"Emphasis on was," Natasha said after a pause.

"I thought you were just talking about second chances?"

"I guess I'm not as good a person as they are." She didn't sound bothered by that, and Tony admired her for being willing to admit it out loud. He still didn't know how he felt about Wanda messing with his head and Ultron being a result of that. He still thought he was dangerous to everyone, and part of him still thought they would all be better off if he just took off and let them be a team of heroes without him. 

But she was looking at him with such quiet intensity. Tony knew in that moment that if he left, Natasha would track him down and bring him right back.

"I made a big mistake," he said quietly.

"The thing about mistakes is that sometimes, they can be forgiven." She patted his cheek and effortlessly slung herself down from the tree. "Steve, you can take it from here."

"What?" Tony squeaked, only just now spotting the man crouched by the trunk. Steve was mostly hidden by the brush at the bottom of the tree, and Tony wouldn't have noticed had Natasha not essentially pointed him out. He thought back over their conversation and had the sudden urge to bang his head against the trunk, because that wasn't exactly something he wanted Steve to hear.

It was too late, though. Steve was already standing up and moving over directly under the branch. He stared up at Tony. "Will you come down?"

"Why?"

"I want to give you a hug."

"... Why?"

"Because you've spent the past month thinking that I think you don't do enough," Steve said. It sounded like he was having the same struggle to keep calm as Natasha. "And thinking that if the Earth were ever destroyed, my last words would be to blame you about it." He looked even more upset now.

Tony hesitated for only a couple of seconds before he braced his hands against the tree and swung himself down, albeit with far less grace than Natasha had. He never hit the ground. Steve caught him, immediately wrapping him up in a hug so tight that Tony's ribs creaked in protest. 

"I'm sorry," Steve said in his ear.

Tony would've asked what the hell Steve was apologizing for, but he didn't have enough air for that. As it was, he was stunned. He'd never heard Steve apologize before.

"I'm sorry I made you think that way, Tony. I noticed how much you did for the team, but I never bothered to say anything about it. I took advantage of knowing that you'd just be there, doing whatever you could, no matter what. Maybe if I'd said something, things would've turned out different."

"Probably not," Tony gasped out. Steve eased up on the hug, hearing the breathless quality of his voice, but didn't let go.

"Maybe, but maybe not. Either way, please don't go. I want you to stay here with me."

"Not with the team?"

"Not just with the team. With me," Steve said, cupping his cheek. "We can work through this. I want to."

"I'll probably never be comfortable with Wanda," Tony warned.

"I'm not so comfortable with her myself, at the moment," Steve muttered. "We're a team. Stupid mistakes and all. Okay?"

In spite of himself, Tony nodded. It wasn't magically alright just because Steve was staring at him like he wanted nothing more than to kiss Tony senseless, but he wanted to believe that it could be, and he was smart enough to realize that it wouldn't be if he took off again. He whispered, "Okay."


	13. Chapter 13

Wanda's face was set in stone. Impossible to read. But that was fine. Steve had come into this meeting expecting that she wouldn't be happy with the results of it, but frankly part of that was on him and Natasha: they never should've waited so long to call Wanda to task. They'd extended an invitation for her to join the Avengers without fully taking into account the magnitude of what she'd done. The revelation about her part in Ultron was a painful reminder.

"I apologized like you said I should," Wanda said, folding her arms. "So I don't see what the big deal is. I apologized. It's up to them to forgive me."

"They don't forgive you," Natasha said quietly. "Steve and I might have, but what you did to Tony and Bruce had longer lasting implications. I think you know that. You just don't want to admit it." She stared at Wanda, cold and angry and accusing. 

"It wasn't my fault! I was just doing what I was told!"

"That's no excuse," Steve said, speaking for the first time since the three of them had sat down. He leaned forward. "Wanda, I believe you when you say that Hydra lied to you. I believe you when you say that you believed you were working for SHIELD. But that doesn't automatically excuse what you did. Natasha and I might have been okay with working with you, but Tony and Bruce aren't."

"But they left," Wanda protested. "They're not Avengers anymore. Why are they more important than me?" 

Steve quelled the automatic rush of anger that flashed through him. How dare she consider herself to be more important than Tony? "They're still Avengers," he said as steadily as possible. "Core members of the group, for that matter. And neither one of them is comfortable with you being on the team right now."

"So you're kicking me out?!" she exclaimed, sounding truly offended. 

"You're being put off the roster," said Natasha. She and Steve had had a long discussion about this. Natasha had wanted to kick Wanda off the team, plain and simple. She was protective of Tony, and had not taken kindly to the news that Wanda had been screwing around with Tony's brain. Worse yet, that Wanda had helped to create Ultron and then not said a word about it while Tony suffered from guilt.

"We're going to give you more training before you're allowed to go on any active missions. A lot more training," Steve said. "As well as therapy."

"I'm not crazy!" Wanda said. Her hands flickered with red for the first time. 

"No, you're not crazy. But there is something wrong with you. You don't feel things the way you should," Natasha said. She wasn't trying to be cruel, Steve could tell, but she was taking a certain amount of enjoyment out of being blunt. "You don't feel any remorse or regret for what you did under Hydra's control. You don't feel like you need to make amends. You don't feel guilty for anything you did. Be honest. You apologized because I told you to, but you don't actually feel bad for rooting around in Tony's mind, do you?"

Wanda's shoulders tensed. "He killed my parents. He deserved it."

Steve sighed, rubbing his hand over his face. "Tony didn't kill your parents."

"Yes he did! I saw the bomb! It said -"

"It might have said Stark Industries, but Obadiah Stane was the one who put it there," Natasha snapped. Steve and Wanda both looked at her in surprise, but Natasha kept her eyes on Wanda. "He was one of the people that Tony and Howard Stark trusted most in the world and he betrayed both of them. Stane was dealing weapons to the black market behind Tony's back. He tried to have Tony killed because he knew that Tony would put a stop to it once he found out."

Wanda was quiet for a moment. Then she said, "But Stark created the bomb."

"If someone had shot your parents, you wouldn't go after the one who created the gun, would you? No. You'd go after the person who pulled the trigger. This vendetta against Tony stops _now_." Natasha leaned forward. Her eyes were cold. "You have your options. You agree to training and therapy, or you're not a member of the team. Period."

"Steve!" Wanda said, turning to look at Steve imploringly. "Please. This isn't necessary. I'm ready to be an Avenger."

"No, you're not," Steve said. He felt a little bad, but all he had to do was thinking about how Tony had been shaking in his arms not three hours ago for that feeling to disappear. "Natasha is right. I have concerns about you out in the field, Wanda. I'm afraid that you may not make the right decisions."

"This is bullshit." Wanda stood up, her hands clenching into loose fists. "One day I'm fit to be an Avenger and the next day I'm not? What the hell?"

"That's on me. I was wrong. I excused all of your previous actions. I didn't hold you accountable for anything. The Avengers protected you from the fall-out."

"So you think I should be in jail?"

"No. That's not what I said. You don't deserve to be in jail, but I do think it's important that you attend therapy sessions," Steve told her. 

"But why?!" Wanda exclaimed, throwing her hands up. "This is stupid!"

"Having empathy for people is not stupid," Natasha said. "I had to learn that lesson. I had to learn why it was not okay to kill someone who was getting on my nerves. I had to learn why torturing someone for information was wrong. I had to learn why I couldn't use my skills the way I wanted, even if it was easier. I had to learn that every action I made had a consequence. If I killed someone, there was a consequence for that. If you mess around with people's minds, there's a consequence for that."

"And this is my consequence. Being forced off the team after my brother died trying to help you," Wanda said. Her eyes were bright with tears now.

"Pietro's actions have no bearing on yours," Steve said. "It shouldn't have taken Tony and Bruce coming back to the compound for this to happen. You shouldn't have been on active duty from day one. You're not ready for that."

He could see the anger and confusion in Wanda's face, and it only served as proof that he and Natasha were making the right call. It would be one thing if Wanda regretted setting the Hulk loose on that town, or if she felt guilty for having played a part in Ultron's creation. Then Steve would be able to trust that she wouldn't do something like that again.

But she didn't. And because of that, there was nothing saying that she wouldn't do it again.

"This is bullshit," Wanda snapped. She turned on her heel and stormed out of the room. The room was quiet for a few seconds after she'd left. Steve stared down at the table. Then Natasha sighed.

"I should go after her. I don't trust her not to go after Tony. I'm sure she's pinning the blame for this on him."

"Did we make a mistake?" Steve asked, glancing at her. "Should we not have put Wanda on the team in the first place? Should we have just handed her over to the authorities and let them deal with her?"

"I don't know," Natasha said thoughtfully. "Wanda has the potential to be a good Avenger. But her reactions to everything that's happened concern me. She's been progressing well in training, but not as well as I'd like. The therapy is a good idea. I'd really like to find out what a psychologist thinks of her."

"What if what they say isn't good?"

Natasha got up. "We'll cross that bridge when, or if, we come to it. For the time being, it's more important that she's off active duty. Until she learns to take accountability for her actions, she shouldn't be an Avenger. Tony and Bruce aren't the only ones who don't want to work with her." She stalked out of the room, shoulders set, head held high.

They'd fucked up. That was the key thought in Steve's mind as they watched her go. They'd shielded Wanda from the consequences of what she'd done because she had helped them to fight Ultron, but in doing so they hadn't done her any favors. Now Wanda seemed to have the impression she could do whatever she wanted to whoever she wanted without having to face the consequences. That would make her a serious danger on the field.

He buried his head in his hands, trying to figure out where they'd gone so wrong, and stayed that way for he didn't know how long. Then familiar hands landed on his shoulders. Tony's slight form leaned against him, a weight that Steve barely felt, and, not for the first time, the thought crossed his mind that they needed to make Tony eat more.

"How did she take it?" Tony asked.

"She was pissed."

"Steve... you know you didn't have to do that just for me. Wanda's a strong fighter, I get it -"

"No," Steve said, turning around. He pulled Tony down into his lap, wrapping his arms around Tony in a secure hug. "It wasn't just about you, Princess, though that was definitely part of it. I just - Wanda never told us about her part in creating Ultron. She deliberately kept that from us because she didn't want to get in trouble. I can't trust her."

"I kept secrets from you too," Tony pointed out.

"It's just different," Steve said, pressing his forehead to Tony's shoulder. He was surprised but relieved when, instead of arguing the point, Tony's hands crept up into his hair and began to massage his head.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have changed the rating of this fic to Teen instead of Explicit. While I originally intended for it to be explicit, I honestly don't think Tony and Steve are going to get to that point without it being weird - they've only kissed a few times by this point. I'm sorry if that disappoints anyone.

When Tony walked into the cafeteria the next morning, he found it was empty except for one other person. Coulson was sitting at a table alone with a stack of paperwork in front of him, alongside a kettle and an empty mug. Tony watched him for a moment, realizing that Coulson hadn’t even noticed he was there. That was a switch. From what Tony remembered, you couldn’t so much as breathe without Coulson noticing.

He thought for a moment and then went over to the area set up for drinks, pouring himself a large mug of coffee and pouring boiling water into another kettle. He grabbed a teabag and walked over to Coulson’s table, setting the kettle and teabag on top of whatever paperwork Coulson was working on. Then he sat down and added some sugar, privately amused when Coulson sighed loudly.

“I was hoping to find a quiet place to work on this, but it seems that’s not to be,” Coulson said dryly, but his comment didn’t stop him from putting the teabag into his cup and adding some of the hot water.

“Space is a premium,” Tony said with a shrug. The compound was huge, but there were a lot of people here right now. More so than Tony was expecting. SHIELD seemed to be using it as a temporary base of sorts. Tony hadn’t decided how he felt about that. He’d been so wrung up about Ultron and Steve and the rest of the team for the past month that he hadn’t had the chance to decide how he felt about SHIELD period.

Coulson conceded the point with a slight nod, looking back down at his work. “Fury asked me to figure out whether you and Clint are field ready.”

Tony blinked at that and sipped his coffee, not responding right away. He couldn’t say he was surprised. He and Clint had retired – or tried to retire – from the Avengers. Tony wasn’t sure about Clint, but he’d only just started catching up on all of the sleep that he’d gone without since Ultron’s defeat. And Steve had muttered a lot about food and making Tony eat more while Tony was changing that morning.

Technically, Tony probably wasn’t battle ready. It would kill him to admit it, but even simple things like working on JARVIS’s servers or checking up on the team’s equipment left him exhausted to the point where the room would spin. He’d been pushing himself too hard and, not only did Tony know it, the rest of the team did too. All he really wanted to do was curl up in Steve’s bed, with Steve wrapped around him, and sleep for the next three weeks.

“You’ll have to ask Clint,” Tony said finally, deciding to leave himself out of the question for the time being.

“I like having my nose unbroken,” Coulson said, sounding weary. His eyes were sharp when he looked at Tony. “You’re better now that Steve’s around, but –”

Tony shrugged. “It helps a bit that they’ve got the witch under control. I know Bruce relaxed a little more after Natasha announced she was off the team for an indeterminate length of time. And the others have been… surprisingly receptive.” 

He was slowly coming around to the idea that maybe Ultron hadn’t been _entirely_ his fault. He still hadn’t fully dealt with the realization that Wanda was the one who’d implanted that nightmare in his mind. That she’d been messing around with his brain. Last night had actually been his worst night of sleep in a while, as every time he closed his eyes he could see the dead Avengers and the aliens invading Earth. He’d spent most of the night just listening to the sound of Steve breathe while researching how to block magic.

Besides that, he was still expecting other people to see it that way. Wanda’s confession didn’t absolve Tony of all guilt when it came to Ultron, and a lifetime of people automatically believing the worst of you at all times couldn’t be fixed in the span of a year or two. It helped that Steve, Rhodey and Natasha were fiercely protective, and Sam and Vision had been welcoming enough. Wanda was the only real problem, but Tony hadn’t seen her in over twenty-four hours. Not since her stilted, forced apology.

Frankly, he had no desire to see her anytime soon. He wasn’t sure what he would do or say, but it probably wouldn’t be polite. Natasha had told him that Wanda had retired to her room and that Vision was the only person she was allowing inside. Tony was fine with that; he’d just avoid that whole side of the compound and focus on building or obtaining something that would never allow Wanda to mess with him again.

“She won’t touch you again,” said Coulson. He sounded, much to Tony’s surprise, fiercely protective, and Tony looked over at him. Coulson wasn’t even looking at him. He was staring down into his cup of tea, stirring with short, jerky movements that had some of the tea slopping over the sides. It was the most unprofessional, uncoordinated that Tony had ever seen him.

“I wish I could believe that was true,” Tony said. “But I’ve been looking into some resources on how to make sure that won’t happen, just in case.”

Coulson glanced up at him then. “That’s not a bad idea. I can give you what SHIELD had on the matter. We had some scientists working on prototypes before the fall. I’m not sure how far along they got. I believe they were working on the theory that magic is just waves of energy, so if they could block the waves –”

“They’d block the magic,” Tony finished. It was a theory that had occurred to him last night, but he’d never been up close and personal with magic for long enough to get an accurate reading. 

“Some of them weren’t Hydra. I’ll get you their numbers. And we might have the numbers of a couple magic users, too, who might be willing to help you run some tests. I’d have to ask Fury about that. He has connections,” he added with a faint smile when Tony raised his eyebrows. “Figuring out how to block magic was never one of SHIELD’s biggest priorities. We had bigger things to worry about. But the playing field has changed considerably in the last couple of years. If you can figure it out, Tony, SHIELD would be willing to pay a lot for the technology.”

“Let me come up with a solution and then we can talk about price,” Tony replied. Honestly, he didn’t care if he gave the solution away for free. Anything to stop people like Wanda Maximoff from feeling like they could do whatever they wanted. 

“I’ll get you what we have by tomorrow,” Coulson promised, making a note on the top of one the sheet of paper he’d been working on. 

“Thanks,” Tony said. He eyed Coulson for a moment, thinking. There was a thought that had been brewing at the back of his mind since he and Clint walked into that barn and got the daylights scared out of them, and it had only grown since he’d arrived at the compound. If Coulson had been brought back to life, was there a chance that some other people could have been saved too? Say, a young man with the ability to travel faster than light who would be extremely handy for SHIELD to have around?

He was about to ask, but changed his mind at the last moment. That wasn’t really a question for Coulson. That was a question for Fury. Coulson might not know, and even if he did he might not be honest. And it would be easier to get the answer out of Fury if he wasn’t warned by Coulson first. 

“Anything else?” Coulson asked, tapping his pen.

“Yeah. Are you planning to stick it out here or should I plan to wake up one morning and find you gone?”

“I’m not sure that’s your business.”

Tony narrowed his eyes. Part of him wanted to inform Coulson that Tony had grieved for him. Privately and behind closed doors, but still. Coulson’s death had been one of the most difficult things to accept, second only to the nightmares about going through the portal and nearly dying on the other side. But no. That was private. Pepper knew, but only because she’d been there with him.

Instead, he said, “If I’m back on the team, then it is. I want to know if you’re going to destroy two of my teammates.”

Coulson visibly sagged, shoulders slumping. “I’m trying not to. Honestly, I think the worst damage has already been done and I’m not sure it can be fixed. I tried to talk to Natasha yesterday morning and she tried to stab me. The only reason I didn’t get stabbed was quick reflexes.”

“Very quick,” Tony said, impressed in spite of himself. “And Clint?”

“He sits and looks at me a lot, but mostly pretends I’m not here.”

“If you leave, you won’t be,” Tony said. He raised his hands when Coulson frowned at him. “No judgment from me. I’ll say the same thing to you that I would’ve said to Bruce if he’d asked before taking off. If you need to go, then go.”

“But?”

“But I wouldn’t expect Natasha or Clint to ever let you in if you do,” Tony said. He shrugged. “That’s my two cents anyway.”

“It’s nothing I don’t already know,” Coulson muttered. He looked so despondent that Tony felt a rare flicker of pity. It was Coulson’s fault for staying away for so long. He should’ve reached out to the Avengers the second he could, or at least Clint. He had to lay in the bed he’d made. But at the same time, this kind of anger and blunt hurt was never easy to face.

He sipped at his coffee instead of continuing the conversation and idly wondered how Pepper would feel about a partner with a background in spy business.


	15. Chapter 15

“Hey Princess.”

“Hi Steve,” Tony said without turning around, somewhat resigned to the nickname – he still didn’t like it, but the way that Steve grinned every time Tony protested suggested that he was fighting a losing battle. He remained hunched over the server, straining to reach the cords at the bottom. Someone had been messing around with the equipment during his absence and he didn’t like it.

He jolted upright with a shocked squeak when a hand touched his ass. Steve immediately jerked his hand away, looking mortified. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Steve blurted out. “I just – your ass looks so good in my clothing and I wasn’t thinking – I’m sorry.”

Tony stared at him, equal parts flustered and amused. “You like my ass?”

“I like all of you,” Steve said, cheeks red. “But yes, especially your ass.”

“Especially in your clothes,” Tony repeated. He’d been planning on having JARVIS send some of his own clothing to the compound. Though Steve’s clothing was a little too big, it wasn’t terrible to wear. And he had plenty, since Tony had bought him a whole wardrobe when Steve initially moved into the tower. But he’d figured Steve wouldn’t want to share forever. Maybe that assessment had been wrong?

“It makes you look like you’re mine,” Steve said, a little meekly, and Tony almost dropped his wrench on his foot. He flushed too, looking down at their feet. He never would’ve guessed those words would’ve come out of Steve Rogers’s mouth while being directed at Tony Stark. Hell, two weeks ago he was wholly convinced that Steve hated his guts and thought that Tony had single-handedly created Ultron while almost destroying the Avengers in the process.

It was still hard to believe that he’d been so wrong. That Steve actually liked him, maybe even lo – no, Tony couldn’t think that word even in the privacy of his own mind. There was just no way that would ever happen. Still though, it wasn’t like Tony had anything to complain about. Cuddling, sleeping and kissing with Steve was all way more than he’d ever dreamed he get. Howard had to be spinning in his grave.

This – everything that had happened since Fury had shown up in the workshop – felt like a dream. Sometimes Tony thought he was going to wake up back in the workshop, still sprawled on the couch where he’d collapsed after his success with bringing JARVIS back. Thrilled, of course, that JARVIS was was alive again, but otherwise empty because he’d lost so much in the process.

“Tony?” Steve said. “Look, I – I’m sorry. I crossed a line –”

“It’s fine. You can touch me anytime you want,” Tony mumbled. As soon as it came out, he wanted to curl up and hide. Touch me anytime?! What the hell was wrong with him? He never felt this wrong-footed when he liked someone. This was fourteen-year-old teenager with a crush territory. He was in his forties for god’s sake. He should be way more suave than this!

“Really? You’re not mad?”

Steve sounded so pleased that Tony risked a peek up at him. The smile on Steve’s face was enormous. Tony straightened up a little, realizing that either the double meaning had gone over Steve’s head or, more likely, Steve was generously pretending that he was unaware of it. That was Steve for you. He could be a total troll, but he could also be a sweetheart.

“No, I’m not. I’m used to people admiring my ass. Granted they usually do it from afar, but I’m not gonna protest if you want to get up close and personal,” Tony said. It was the honest truth. Most of his lovers, male and female, had all expressed an appreciation for his butt.

Steve rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling. “I’ll have to remember that. C’mere.” He pulled Tony into a hug, apparently not caring that Tony was covered in grease. Tony jumped a little when he felt that big hand settle over the curve of his ass. For a moment he thought he was going to have to have the ‘I’m not ready for sex’ talk with Steve, but then realized that Steve wasn’t groping him or anything. Steve seemed perfectly content to just stand there and hug him, one hand on Tony’s ass.

Okay then.

“Not that I don’t enjoy hugs, but I have work to do,” Tony said reluctantly after a couple minutes had passed. He had a lot of things on his to-do list. Once he finished getting JARVIS settled, he could start work on the Avengers’ equipment. The War Machine armor and Sam’s wings would be top on the list, but everything could probably use a solid going over. And then he’d need to start on the compound itself, making sure that all of the electrical systems still ran the way they were supposed to. There was no telling what kind of mess SHEILD might have made.

“Actually, that’s what I came here to talk to you about,” Steve said. “You know you don’t need to throw yourself into work, right?”

“Are you telling me that Falcon’s wings don’t have a problem?” Tony asked, sliding out of Steve’s grip. He immediately felt cold, but told himself not to be stupid. He couldn’t stand there in Steve’s arms all day.

“That’s not what I meant. They do, but – but Tony, you’re not here because you have to earn your keep or something ridiculous like that.”

“I know that. I pay for this building, Steve. I pay to keep it running.”

“We both know money doesn’t mean much to you,” said Steve, a steely look in his eyes. “I just want to make sure that you know we’re all happy to have you here regardless of whether you’re an Avenger or not. You don’t have to prove that you can be useful. We’re not going to kick you out.”

Something stuttered in Tony’s chest, though he was careful to keep his expression from changing. When had Steve developed the ability to see through him so clearly? “Not everyone is happy,” he pointed out. “Wanda isn’t. Some of the SHIELD agents aren’t. No matter what you say, some of them blame me for Ultron.”

Steve’s expression darkened. “If Wanda’s opinion mattered, then we would ask for it. But it doesn’t. As of right now Wanda has even less use to us than you do since we can’t trust her out on the field, but we’re still letting her stay here. You could stop paying for the building and not do a damn thing all day and I – we – would still want you here. More than I ever want someone like Wanda here. You’re my friend, my teammate, my…” He paused, and then finished with evident difficulty, “my partner.”

Holy shit. Steve had just called him his partner. Tony tried to control himself. “I like being useful,” he said finally, stooping to pick up his wrench. “I don’t like sitting around with nothing to do. It gives me too much time to think.” That, at least, was the honest truth. If he sat around for hours on end, his brain would inevitably end up fixating on something that would send him into another panic attack.

“I can appreciate that,” Steve said slowly. “But you’re burning yourself out at both ends.”

“I’ve only been here for like four days!” Tony said.

“And yet you’ve spent at least two of those days in the lab,” Steve pointed out. “I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to control you. I just want you to take care of yourself, that’s all. I want you to be around for a long time.”

“That’s an unpopular opinion,” Tony said, but he was caving and he could hear it in his own voice. When was the last time someone wanted him to relax just because it was good for him? It had been a very long time. Even Pepper hadn’t done that when they were dating, because she was just as busy, if not busier, than Tony sometimes. The nights where both of them could relax were few and far between, never mind the days.

“Well it’s my opinion, and I’d like to think that counts for something.”

Tony sighed. “Of course it does. You know it does,” he said, setting the wrench back down. It was looking like he wasn’t going to get much done today. Tonight? How long had he been working? He asked Steve, who smiled again.

“You’ve been in here for eleven and a half hours.”

“What? No way!” Tony said, grabbing his phone. Much to his surprise, he realized Steve was right. He’d come down after talking to Coulson, but he would’ve sworn on the Iron Man armor that had only been a couple of hours ago. 

“Yes way,” Steve said. “Any chance I could convince you to come have a late snack with me?”

“I could eat,” Tony said after thinking about it for a few seconds. Now that Steve had mentioned food, he was hungry. That banana he’d snagged on his way out of the cafeteria was a distant memory. 

“Good. Now, who are those SHIELD agents who’ve said something to you about Ultron?”

Startled, Tony burst into laughter. “Steve, I don’t need you to beat up bullies for me.”

“But I want to,” Steve said, not quite pouting, but close enough that Tony smiled warmly at him. He slid his hand into the crook of Steve’s arm, letting Steve escort him out of the room. For the sake of those SHIELD agents, Tony would never tell Steve their names. It was enough – more than enough – that Steve was willing to do something about it.


	16. Chapter 16

Nick Fury was not an easy man to track down. For someone who was supposed to be dead, Fury was very active: he was moving around so much that Tony was having a difficult time getting a location. Much as Tony hated to admit it, Fury was keeping a step ahead of him. After two days of trying to pinpoint where he was, Tony gave up and went to Natasha. She might not have been as good with electronics as Tony was, but Natasha also had a lot more experience with Fury. She knew him in ways Tony didn't (and, frankly, didn't want to).

So it was that a day after Tony invoked Natasha's help, he swept into a small cafe in Vancouver and immediately zeroed in on the bald man sitting in the back of the room. Natasha, who had insisted on joining him, shot Tony a meaningful look from under her eyelashes. She sashayed over to a table with just one occupant: a man in his early thirties. The poor guy practically choked on his tongue when Natasha sat down beside him with a coy smile, all red curls and a form-fitting blue dress, and all but tripped over his own two feet in his rush to get up and buy her a drink. Tony rolled and walked over to Fury.

"If I didn't know better, I would think you were avoiding me," Tony said, pulling out a chair and sitting down. He'd dressed in one of his best suits, having made a special stop back at the tower just for that. It had been worth the extra few minutes it added to their trip. The charcoal grey suit, paired with a lavender shirt and royal blue tie, made him feel confident enough to go toe-to-toe with Fury. Hopefully anyone looking at them would think this was a business meeting and wouldn't recognize either one of them.

"I am avoiding you," Fury said flatly, eye still on the newspaper. An actual newspaper. Tony wrinkled his nose. When Steve read newspapers, it was adorably endearing - plus it was pretty hard to tease him since the newspaper had been, for a long time, one of the few things that had brought Steve any measure of joy. Now it was a habit he clung to purely to annoy Tony. When Fury read newspapers, it was just plain old-fashioned.

"I know you have a tablet. You should get your news online like civilized people."

Fury sighed. "Go away, Stark. Can't you take a hint?"

"No," Tony said, smiling sweetly. He nudged Fury's arm. "C'mon, Nick. At least I had the decency to approach you in a public place instead of breaking into your house."

"You didn't leave the house," Fury pointed out. "For like three days. You would probably still be there if I hadn't told you to stop dicking around and fuck Rogers already." He smirked when Tony flushed. Tony glared at him.

"For your information, Steve and I are taking it slow."

"I don't care how you take it as long as you're alive and reasonably happy."

"You do care," Tony said, trying not to reveal how surprised he was by that fact. He'd wondered once or twice what Fury's real reason was for showing up at the tower. He figured it was mostly professional and partly political, but hadn't really put much thought towards option c: personal. 

"Much as it pains me to admit it, I do," Fury said. "Your godmother made me swear up and down that I'd look after you."

"Peggy?" Tony was even more surprised now. Obviously he knew that Peggy and Fury had known each other. Peggy Carter had been the head of the SSR when Nick Fury joined the team. Under Peggy's direction, the Strategic Scientific Reserve had slowly began to head in the direction of what would someday become the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. But it hadn't really made the transformation until Fury took the reins, leaving the SSR behind and fully coining SHIELD. Now, Tony knew that Hydra was also a part of the driving force that had made SHIELD what it was.

He supposed, in a weird way, it made sense. Peggy had been Fury's mentor. Actually she'd been the mentor for countless SHIELD agents, but she'd told Tony once that she considered Fury to be her best student. That was before the Alzheimer's had started, though. Now Tony was fortunate if Peggy even remembered him, never mind the SSR or SHIELD or Fury. The last time he'd been by to visit her, she'd thought he was Howard and had started to tell him off for not showing up to a date with Maria. The visit had upset Tony so much he hadn't gone back.

"Yes, Peggy. Woman could extract a promise out of a dead mouse." Fury sighed and finally closed the newspaper, giving Tony his full attention. "Now, please explain why you're risking blowing my cover by bringing yourself and Ramonov out here when you're supposed to be back at the compound with Rogers doing whatever it is you do, and no I don't want to hear the details."

Tony closed his mouth, grinning wickedly. At least that was something to hold over Fury's head in the future. "Obviously we know Coulson is alive now," he said, deciding to set aside the matter of Fury and Peggy for another day. He couldn't think about it now. He had to focus. 

"If you're waiting for me to apologize, you're going to have a long wait. Coulson was legally dead for seven minutes before they got his heart re-started, and it was touch and go for months after that. By the time we knew for certain that Coulson was going to live, you'd all moved on." Fury's face was devoid of any emotion. "I knew that if you were told, you would want him back with the Avengers. Even if I said no, none of you are subtle; everyone and his best friend would know. Coulson's considerable talent was best used in other places."

"That's what Coulson said," Tony said, reining in his anger. He wasn't sure he'd ever forgive that lie. Tony - all of the Avengers - had lost enough without pretend losses on top of that. "Now I want to know about Pietro."

The question obviously startled Fury. He sat back in his chair and stared at Tony. Tony stared back, letting nothing show. The mere fact that Fury hadn't immediately brushed the subject off told him that his suspicions had been right all along. Fury probably would've too, had he been expecting it. Tony narrowed his eyes slightly. SHIELD probably wanted Pietro's "considerable talents" for their own use. After all, a spy who could move faster than anyone else in the world would be invaluable. The intel alone that Pietro would be able to steal would make him worth a fortune. 

"Your reaction tells me he's alive," Tony went on when Fury remained silent. "I can't imagine he willingly agreed to work with you if his sister thought he was dead. Wanda meant everything to him. So either he doesn't remember her, or you've told him Wanda's dead... but Wanda's been on the news countless times, so that can't be it..." He suddenly realized what it was. "Pietro's in a coma, isn't he?"

Fury sighed. "Yes."

Not surprised so much by the confirmation as by the fact that Fury had actually given it, Tony nodded. "You're waiting to see if he wakes up so you can recruit him to SHIELD? Don't want to give the Avengers the chance to scoop him?"

"For a while, we were waiting to see if he would wake up period. He was shot."

"But now you know."

"I got the news yesterday. You have impeccable timing." Delivered in Fury's withering voice, the comment was far from a compliment.

"Blame yourself. Coulson is the one who got me wondering about other, more recent deaths of people with considerable talents," Tony said smugly. "So here's how this is going to go. Natasha and I are heading back to the compound. She will tell Wanda that Pietro is still alive. You will send a SHIELD agent to personally escort Wanda and anyone she wants with her to see Pietro. And when Pietro wakes up, you will allow them both the choice of who they want to work for. If they don't want to stand with SHIELD, you back off."

"What makes you think you can give the orders here? I'm surprised you even care about Wanda, considering her vendetta."

Tony winced inwardly, but kept a calm expression. "I don't really care about Wanda, to be honest. But I know what it's like to lose people, and she's young. Not a kid, but young. Pietro was all she had. She deserves to know the truth. Maybe it will stop her from teaming up with robots determined to destroy humanity, who knows."

Fury rolled his eye. "Sure this isn't just a way to make Wanda forget about hating you?"

"I don't really care if she hates me or not," Tony said honestly. "Wanda isn't my problem. That's for Steve and Natasha to deal with. As long as she never comes near me with her powers - and I'm researching ways to make that happen, by the way - it doesn't make a difference to me what she does with her time. In fact, I'd be glad if SHIELD took her off of our hands."

"Share those methods to block magic with SHIELD," Fury said, "and someone will be there to pick Wanda up tomorrow morning."

Tony didn't bother to point out that he'd already talked to Coulson about this. He just nodded. "Done."


	17. Chapter 17

Rhodey was waiting for them when Tony pulled up in front of the compound. Tony smiled, refusing to let the stern look on his best friend's face destroy his mood, and shut the car off. He almost regretted that the drive from the airport to the compound was so short; he enjoyed cranking the radio and letting the wind blow his worries away, and Natasha was a good companion. Unfortunately, real life was yet again beckoning.

"We have one rule," Rhodey said.

Tony pretended to think about it. "No sleeping with each other's romantic conquests?"

"No. Well, yes."

"Good. I guess I don't have to worry about going after Steve."

"Tony," Rhodey said, trying to look exasperated. "First of all, you know I would never do that to you. Second of all, where the hell have you been? You've been gone for two days. I thought you were supposed to be resting."

"I was resting. I took my private jet. I know it's been a while since you've been on it, but it's very relaxing," Tony said. "Isn't it?" He turned to Natasha for support.

"I have to admit, private jets are the way to travel," Natasha said.

Tony nodded. "See, at least someone knows comfort when they see it," he said. In all honesty, that wasn't the only reason he'd gone private. The compound had the quinjet, which would've gotten them to Vancouver in a third of the time. But he wasn't an Avenger, no matter what Steve said, and tying up their resources felt too much like he was trying to push himself in where he didn't fully belong.

And going public, well. That was just never an option.

"That's not the point," Rhodey said, but he threw up his arms. "Where were you?"

"Canada."

Rhodey made a weird face. "Canada? Why on earth were you in Canada?"

"We were doing sneaky spy things," Natasha said blandly. She was wearing her best poker face. Rhodey squinted at her.

"I can't actually tell if you're lying," he said after a pause. "Tony? Is she lying?"

"Yes," Tony said, trying to keep a straight face. He'd forgotten how much of a troll Natasha could be when she wanted to.

Natasha glanced at him and winked. She was flushed, cheeks pink from the wind, and very pretty, with her red hair tumbling around her shoulders. "Much as I'd like to stay here in the sun, I have some news to deliver. Are you sure you don't want to be the one to tell her?" she asked.

"Never been surer of anything in my life," Tony replied. He didn't want anything to do with Wanda. If he never spoke to her again, that would be just fantastic. He hadn't been lying to Fury when he'd said he didn't really about her; he would be perfectly happy if Natasha left his name out of it entirely and took all the credit for finding out about Pietro.

Much to his surprise, Natasha leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You're a good man, Tony Stark," she said. "I'm sorry for writing that file on you back when we were first met." She opened the car door and got out, leaving Tony speechless. He watched her walk into the compound, hips swaying, ass perfectly outlined by the tight blue dress she was wearing.

"She's too much woman for you," Rhodey said.

"I've known that for years," Tony said, looking back to his friend. Suddenly worried, he asked, "Is something wrong?"

"Yeah, something's wrong. You left yesterday morning without telling anyone where you were going. JARVIS wouldn't tell you where you were and you weren't answering your cell phone. Steve's been freaking out. He seems to think that you went off somewhere to die quietly."

"What did you think?"

Rhodey sighed. "You would never go quietly."

"That's my honey bear," Tony said, feeling warm. Steve had been worried about him? Really? It had never crossed Tony's mind to tell anyone where he and Natasha were going, and JARVIS was used to not being allowed to share Tony's itinerary with anyone but Pepper. 

Back when the Avengers shared Stark Tower, it wasn't uncommon for Tony not to see the rest of the team for days, if not weeks, at a time. He might not be CEO of Stark Industries anymore, but that didn't mean he didn't have a busy schedule to keep. And he'd always figured that as long as he showed up to battles, that was all Steve or anyone else really cared about.

Apparently it was different now judging from the exasperated/worried look on Rhodey's face. Rhodey stepped closer to the car, putting his hand on the door. "For the third time, where did you go? Was there an emergency with S.I.? Pepper said she wasn't sure where you were."

"You even called Pepper?" Tony raised his eyebrows, amazed. "Was she mad?"

"No. Worried. She loves you, you know that."

Tony did know that. "I went to talk to Fury. He was hiding out in Vancouver. I'm not sure what he was doing there, and frankly I don't care. Sometimes it's better not to know."

"What did you want to talk to him about?" Rhodey asked with a trace of impatience. Definitely time to stop dancing around. Tony took the keys out of the ignition and put them in his pocket. He slid his sunglasses down his nose and looked at his best friend over top of them.

"Coulson being alive made me wonder seriously about someone else that died recently," he said quietly. "Someone that SHIELD would be really happy to recruit and keep around. I wanted to ask Fury to his face whether or not Pietro was still alive."

Rhodey sucked in a surprise breath. "Is he?"

"Yes. He's alive, but was apparently in a coma up until yesterday. They weren't sure if he would wake up or not." Tony didn't know how true that was. You couldn't be sure with Fury. Half the things that came out of his mouth were guaranteed to be a mixture of lies and omitted truths. But that didn't really matter. the important thing was that Pietro was alive.

"Wow," Rhodey said, considering that. "That's good, isn't it?"

"It is if SHIELD will agree to take both him and Wanda off our backs for the rest of forever," Tony said. He wouldn't mind staying at the compound so much if he knew that Wanda wasn't around. As it was, being here with her felt like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.

"Nice plan," Rhodey said approvingly. "I bet SHIELD will get them both the training they desperately need, and maybe instill a better sense of morality in Wanda." He straightened up and crossed his arms, frowning. "I still wish you'd told me you were going."

"Aw, Platypus, were you worried? You can come with me for my next trip if you want."

"What's your next trip?"

"I haven't decided yet," Tony admitted. "Probably a vacation on a tropical island somewhere far away from here."

"I'm there, so long as you actually tell someone you're going."

"Promise," Tony said, using his index finger to draw an X over his heart. Rhodey rolled his eyes, but finally smiled. Tony considered that to be a success. 

He opened the driver's door and got out, walking around the car. He was surprised when Rhodey reached out and yanked him into a hug. "Call Pepper," Rhodey said, letting go just as quick and messing up Tony's hair. Tony squeaked in dismay and ducked out of reach.

"I will, sheesh! No manhandling the merchandise, Rhodes. Do you know how long it takes me to get my hair right?"

"Yes. I've waited for you before. You take longer to get ready than people going to prom," Rhodey said.

Tony sneered at him. "No appreciation for quality."

"Not me, but someone else I know does."

Confused, Tony just looked at him until Rhodey gestured over his shoulder. Tony turned and was surprised to see Steve approaching them at a very fast clip. Before Tony could say a word, Steve grabbed him up in a hug - literally, Tony's feet actually left the ground. He squeaked again and heard Rhodey chuckle behind him. Tony tried to glare over Steve's shoulder, but Rhodey just grinned at him and walked back towards the compound.

"Um, Steve," Tony said after a couple minutes had passed. He was actually pretty comfortable. Who would complain about being held against a perfect specimen of humanity? But he did protest the fast that his feet were still a good couple inches from the pavement.

"I know I have no right to tell you how to live your life, and I'm not trying to restrict your comings and goings," Steve said into Tony's hair. "But -"

"I'm sorry I left without letting you know I'd be gone overnight," Tony interrupted, patting the top of Steve's head comfortingly. Huh, Steve's hair was actually ridiculously soft. Who knew? "I haven't actually been in a relationship where I shared a bed with someone for a long time. I forget."

Steve sighed. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Could you put me down?"

"What? Oh!" Steve flushed and hastily dropped him back down to the ground, though he kept his arms around Tony. "Sorry. I still forget my strength sometimes."

"It's okay," Tony said, charmed in spite of himself. He fished his keys out of his pocket and dangled them in front of Steve with a grin. "How about we go have milkshakes, and I'll explain to you where Natasha and I were?" 

Steve smiled back. "I'd love to."


	18. Chapter 18

When Steve heard about where Natasha and Tony had been, his eyes got very big and he stared at Tony with something was approaching awe and much closer to adoration than Tony was really comfortable with. Thank god the waitress chose that moment to show up with their milkshakes, and Tony was able to push past the awkward moment by informing Steve of the deal he'd made with Fury.

Steve paused at that. "So Wanda won't be an Avenger anymore?"

"Probably not. But let's face it, I'm not sure you'd ever be comfortable with her as an Avenger. And she probably won't want to be once she finds out about Pietro," Tony said. "Someone will be coming to pick her up tomorrow morning. After that, she's no longer our problem."

He realized, somewhat belatedly, that he'd basically made a choice for all of the Avengers and that Steve might not be okay with that. After all, Tony was technically no longer a part of the team. Well, depending on who you asked he was no longer a part of the team. He definitely wasn't the leader of the team. Though the Avengers usually voted on new members, Steve had always had final say on who joined.

"I mean, she can be your problem if you want to," Tony added hastily. "I'm sure that Fury would let her stick around if you really want her to. I just thought she might do better as a SHIELD agent, and I'm sure her powers would -" He cut himself off when Steve leaned forward and kissed him.

"I'm perfectly okay with that, Tony. You've solved a problem that I didn't even know how to start dealing with, and you've done it in a way that will make Wanda happy. You didn't have to, but you did. You're amazing."

Shit. Tony could feel himself starting to blush and quickly buried himself in his chocolate milkshake, taking a long drink. He could see Steve, still smiling at him, out of the corner of his eye, but pretended not to notice. He hadn't done this so that Wanda would be happy, or even so that Steve would be happy. He'd done it mostly to get Wanda as far away from the Avengers as physically possible.

"I'm sure the rest of the team will be okay with it too," Steve went on when Tony didn't answer him. He sipped from his strawberry milkshake. "Now that you and Clint are back, I'm not sure we need Wanda anyway."

Tony sighed. "Does the word retired mean nothing to you?"

"Not when it comes to Iron Man. I need you on the field with me."

Startled by the feel of Steve's breath against the side of his neck, Tony turned his head and found himself gazing into Steve's eyes. "W-What?"

"We're a good team, you and me. I don't want to lose that. And I know how much you love being Iron Man. It's in your blood. I already told you I tore up your retirement papers, but that means nothing unless you agree to be on the team again. Please say yes. Natasha, Sam, Vision and Rhodey are all in agreement."

"Ganging up on me, huh?" Tony said, trying and failing to frown. His heart was fluttering at Steve's proximity. 

"If that's what it takes to make you see reason."

That's not what Pepper would've called it. But then, Tony had quit the team and still hadn't managed to save anything there. He couldn't take Pepper's opinion into consideration anymore. He'd known before he even made it back to New York that there was no saving that relationship. He and Pepper wanted different things out of life, and Pepper deserved to be happy.

And really, he hadn't quit because of Pepper - not entirely, anyway. He'd quit because he couldn't trust himself. Not after he'd created Ultron. Not after his best intentions had turned into a monster.

"I could end up creating another Ultron," he said, very quietly.

"We've already established that wasn't just your fault. There were a lot of mitigating factors," Steve said. "I believe that you won't. But if you can't believe that, then believe that I'll stop you next time before anything else can happen." He wrapped an arm around Tony's shoulders. 

It was a comforting thought, more so than it probably should've been. Besides, Tony really did miss being Iron Man. Nothing else would help to atone for his mistakes the way that Iron Man did. He sighed and said, "Okay, fine. You wore me down. I officially revoke my retirement. Iron Man is back on the team."

Steve beamed with satisfaction. "I knew I'd wear you down. Natasha owes me twenty bucks. She thought you'd hold out for another three weeks."

"You were betting on me?!"

"Only because I know how much you miss it," Steve said. "I don't blame you. I would miss it too. Being Captain America was all I had when I first came out of the ice. Even though I have a lot more now, I still can't imagine giving that up. I would be... lost."

Lost. That was a good way to describe how Tony had felt when he'd first returned to Avengers Tower. Lost. Like he'd been set adrift without a compass. He honestly didn't know what he would've done if Fury hadn't shown up in the tower. He would probably still be there, days running into nights, trying to figure out some new invention that could make up for what he'd done. Bruce would still be in some small town, running away from everyone. Clint would still be at the farm, living in the past. Wanda would still be on the Avengers.

"But you're not lost anymore," Tony said. He cleared his throat, looking down at the remains of his melting milkshake. "Someone else is, though."

"Tony?"

"I know he killed my parents," Tony said in a rush. It was knowledge that had been lurking at the back of his brain for months now, but which he'd never brought up to Steve. Or to anyone. Even Pepper and Rhodey didn't know. It had been Tony's mountain to climb, his own personal demon to come to terms with.

And he had. Oh hell, he had. He'd _raged_ for those first few weeks after Natasha dumped all of SHIELD's files onto the internet, so angry that he'd actually left the tower and taken refuse on a private island in the Caribbean because he couldn't bear to be around Steve. He'd thrown himself into saving as many SHIELD agents as he could, just so that he wouldn't have to think about it, and refused any messages from the team.

Natasha had been his only visitor. She'd snuck in late one night, as only Natasha could do, and confessed. That was when Tony learned that she and Steve had their suspicions, albeit unverified. Tony knew Steve well enough to guess that Steve wanted to find Barnes before dealing with anything else. That was Steve for you: hoping that once he got everyone together, things would magically be okay. That blind naivety was, in Tony’s opinion, one of Steve’s most frustrating traits.

Especially because it wasn't that easy. Even when Tony had come back to the tower, because the Avengers needed Iron Man and no one understood why he'd taken off, Tony hadn't brought it up and neither had Steve. Tony was grateful for that in a way. His initial reaction would've driven more of a wedge between them, and Tony didn't want that – so it was ironic how his own creation had ended up doing that just fine. 

Now though, Tony could say he'd forgiven Bucky Barnes. Not the Winter Soldier, no. Tony would never forgive Hydra or their little pet. But Barnes? Yeah, he could forgive Barnes, if only because he knew that Steve was desperate to bring Barnes home. Steve would never be complete unless that happened, and Tony was not going to stand in the way of that.

Steve physically recoiled when Tony spoke. "You... you know? How?"

"It was in the information Natasha dumped on the internet," Tony said, deciding to omit the fact that Natasha had also told him. "You know I read all of it, Steve. I scoured that data looking for Hydra's bases and trying to figure out how much info about Stark Industries SHIELD had. They had a list of the Winter Soldier's kills."

"I didn't know," Steve said, looking stunned.

"No. I didn't tell you that for a reason," Tony said. Partly because he thought there was just no need for Steve to know the full scope of what his best friend had been forced to do. He'd shown Natasha that night, but she was the only other person who'd seen it. The only other person who would ever see it. And partly because he was still a little angry at Steve and Natasha for rashly dumping the info in the first place.

"Tony, I... I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, but -"

"But it's pretty hard to figure out how to tell someone how their parents really died?" Tony said, voice deliberately light. He didn't want to make a big deal of this. "I get it. Just... no more secrets, Steve. No more lies by omission. I'm really fucking tired of it."

Steve nodded, eyes still wide. "Of course. I really am sorry. I should have told you."

"Yeah, you should've." Tony pushed his glass away and stood up, attracting the waitress’s attention. He paid the bill and left her a hefty tip, then headed back out to the car. Steve followed, sneaking these little glances at Tony like he wasn’t sure what to say.

“So… you said Bucky was lost,” Steve said finally, when they were on their way back to the compound. He had to raise his voice to be heard over the wind.

Tony kept looking at the road. “Yeah, he probably is. He’s been on the run from Hydra for a long time now. I’m sure he wants to stop running. I had JARVIS looking for him before, but Ultron ruined all of our progress.” He sighed, flipping the turn signal on. “I’ll have to reconfigure all of the search parameters, so it might take a while longer. Barnes is damn good at hiding when he doesn’t want to be found, and JARVIS was _just_ starting to learn his patterns.”

“You were looking for him?”

“You must have a really low opinion of me,” Tony said, exasperated. “Of course I was. He’s important to you.”

“No! I – that’s not what I meant. Bucky is my responsibility,” Steve said. “I wouldn’t expect you or anyone else to spend their time looking for him.”

“Have you not just spent the past month drumming the fact that we’re all a team into my head?” Tony said, glancing over at him. “Seriously, Steve. It’s fine. He’s important to you, so that makes finding him important to me.”

Steve didn’t say anything, but when Tony looked at him again as they pulled into the compound’s driveway, the words that Steve couldn’t say were written across his face. Seeing so much affection and – dare Tony even think it – love looking back at him was overwhelming. Unfortunately, this time there was no milkshake to hide behind. Tony averted his eyes and pretended that parking the car was taking all his attention.

It turned out that there was a better distraction waiting. Wanda was standing there with Natasha and Clint. Her face was streaked with tears. Tony slowly edged out of the car, heart quickening with that weird combination of fight-or-flight that always overcame him when Wanda was around. He was half-expecting her to start yelling at him, but instead she smiled.

Even weirder.

“Natasha told me what happened. Thank you,” Wanda said, her eyes shining.

“You’re welcome,” Tony said stiffly. 

“I’ve also told her that she’ll be going with SHIELD for a while,” Natasha added. “She said she would be packed and ready.”

Wanda nodded. “Yes, I will be. I’m going to go pack right now. I just can’t believe…” She trailed off, looking overwhelmed. “Seriously, thank you.” She took off running back into the building without waiting for a response, which was just as well. Tony didn’t have anything else to say to her. 

“He’s really alive?” Clint said.

“According to Fury, yes,” Tony said. He wasn’t surprised to see that Clint looked a little emotional too. Pietro had almost died saving Clint’s life. That kind of sacrifice was never easy to live with. Tony knew that for a fact.

“I can’t believe it. Why didn’t Fury tell us?” Clint demanded.

“It’s Fury,” Steve said, walking around the car to join Tony. “He lives for secrets.”

“Speaking of living,” Tony said, knowing it was a shit segue but not caring, “what are you gonna do about Coulson?”

The smile on Clint’s face faded away. “I don’t know. It’s not my choice.”

“It kind of is,” Tony pointed out. “He’s here more for you two than anyone else.”

Natasha and Clint exchanged an unreadable look. Then Natasha said, “I’ve already made my opinion clear.” She folded her arms.

“I guess I have too,” Clint said slowly. “I still want to like, talk to him every once in a while. I don’t want him to go totally off grid. But I don’t think I want him here. It’s too much right now. All I’ve done since he showed up is avoid him.”

“Maybe they can pick Coulson up at the same time as Wanda,” Tony said. “But he won’t go unless you two actually tell him that. He’s trying to make amends.” He’d come to terms with the deception, and he would’ve been okay if Coulson stayed. But he could also see where Natasha and Clint were coming from. He wouldn’t insist on Coulson sticking around if it wasn’t what they wanted. Maybe someday, Coulson could act as a liaison between SHIELD and the Avengers. Tony would like that.

Clint made a face. “Are you saying I actually need to talk to him?”

“I’m saying you need to be a grown-up and use your words. Foreign concept, I know,” Tony said, and heard Steve snort beside him.

“Fine,” Clint said with a scowl. “I’ll do it. But only if our Fearless Leader comes with me.”

Steve blinked in surprise. “I can do that, but why?”

“If Coulson gets mad, I’ll just tell you to take off your shirt. Your abs will distract him long enough for me to run.”

“Clint!” Steve flushed as Natasha and Tony burst out laughing. Clint smirked.

“I’m just saying, it’s an option,” he said.

“It’s not an option,” Steve said, rolling his eyes. He squeezed Tony’s hand and then stepped forward, shooing Clint towards the compound. Clint just laughed and fell into step beside him.

Tony watched them go, feeling strangely content. “Hey Nat?”

“What?”

“Wanna help me search for the most feared assassin of all time?”

“Absolutely,” Natasha said without hesitation, hooking her arm through his. “Lead on.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my [tumblr](http://tsuki-chibi.tumblr.com/).


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